Wednesday, December 10, 2003


Well my mind has been racing for a while, but I can't seem to get the thoughts out....

At least into full coherent thoughts.....

So some random thoughts that maybe someday I will get back to....maybe.


For me it enhances my level submission....because it breaks down walls for me. It takes my ego down a few notches. It helps me remember my place.

I think that it can be damaging, but is all about doing it right and with the right person. I say go slow if you are just starting to explore this with your partner.I have a long history of humiliation being used and I need it.

I find is also kind amusing so many people say they are not into humiliation and will talk about how damaging it it and extreme. But really it humiliation can be a wide range of things and what is humiliating to me might not being humiliating to you.  I find it amusing because I think many have experienced it even for a few moments and probably ended up turned on....such think about that first time getting naked at a play party? Wasn't that hard? Wasn't that embarrassing? Didn't it make you uncomfortable?That could be a form of humiliation.

The reason I was thinking of humiliation is...1) someone talking about "NEVER doing humiliation that it was so dangerous and damaging to anyone who does it" - 2) a new group I joined had a humiliation thread going (which I am going to post my reply to the thread here) - 3) I had a really humiliating dream last night 

So here is the post...

Humiliation is used in my relationship.

Going to give a few how I define embarrassment, humiliation and degradation....

Embarrassment for me is to feel uncomfortably self-conscious.

Humiliation for me is to lower my pride, dignity...humble me.

Degradation for me is to bring my status down, to reduce value or worth.

I have a lot of humiliation fantasies and degradation fantasies...Master and I have done...

~ being used as an urinal
~ being made to urinate on myself - privately and in public
~ being made to act like a pig (thanking Grumbles and Girlie for the pig snout NOT! *Blushing*)
~ being made to urinate in a bucket
~ being objectified - such as being used like a piece of furniture

~ have to eat food covered in cum or urine
~ eat from a dog bowl

Okay off of that subject now.

Submission is a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Sometimes I wish there was a more concise language associated with our lifestyle. There are jargons used with specific careers - that means things to the people in specific careers. We have jargon we use in our lifestyle, but it can mean a countless of different things.

Submission for me pretty basic…..obey, serve and please the one I yield to. I submit because I need too. Now part of my submission - that enhances the intimacy between my Master and I - is SM, sex, power and control.

Submission can come easy and it is also at times a struggle (tonight being a struggle). I get tired of submitting....yes I really do. Does it make me less submissive? Or not a slave? I don't think so it just makes me human. I think I just get tired period and it affects everything in my life....not just my submission. But the bottom line is that the power exchange is still there. That foundation is still there...and I am very thankful it is there. We always have the power exchange. I am always owned even if I don't feel "submissive" and even if I don't feel "dominated."

Someone on a list was talking also about how that it is just wrong for a Dominant to make a submissive jump through hoops. Maybe it is a D/s relationship vs. M/s relationship? Because although I am not fond of jumping through hoops....Master can damn well do what He wants and for whatever reason (because it amuses Him, it is to push me or whatever) that is the relationship we place.

Example: I have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom...and lately Master has in my humble opinion made me jump through hoops to get there. And yes it grates on my nerves, but He wants it. I ask and He will make me do a little dance I do if I really have to go. And if I am not doing the dance or until I do then He won't let me go. I have wanted to yell a few time "damn it I need to pee" but of course I can't. I just do the dance until He says yes. I jump the hoop for His amusement.

Is what He is doing damaging to me? No way, but it is making me jump through a hoop for His amusement and that is His right.

Okay I am going to have Master read this and then sign off...

Oh one more thing I have a few blog links to add....but I will do that tomorrow. Both of whom have added me as link and I read their journals too :)

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