My Poly Life..Then and Now...Part 1

Prologue: I am still typing this poly post so I realized it needs to be split up as it is getting to long. Right now in Word it is 7 pages long single spaced and I am not done. So I think I will be doing 4 parts possibly 5. Part 1 right now, Part 2 tonight, Part 3 tomorrow as they are both done. And then hopefully the rest next week.

When I was a little girl I would draw these floor plans for houses. And in the house there would be almost like dormitory type rooms in the house that were for the "wives." I never knew at that time about poly. I don't believe it was ever mentioned around me. I didn't know that it wasn't "normal" to just have one wife but the thought of being in the kitchen cooking with other women and getting things prepared for the husband just sounded nice to me. I would make stories in my head to go along with the house as I would draw the plans...and I would hear giggling of the wives in the dorm type room....snuggling in beds together....cuddled on a couch together. It made me feel good and happy inside.

So fast forward to more current times....

I think I kind of fell into poly. When I discovered BDSM online, years and years after Don, I found that many people in the BDSM community seemed to be poly. Or at least many Dominants seemed to be involved with more then one submissive. And I didn't have problems with that as brought back those childhood stories. Plus I am bisexual so it is nice to be able to have female and male partners. I have never really been a jealous person. Boyfriends would flirt with others and such and most of the time I didn't mind. I actually remember getting turned on by it. It only bothered me when my needs were not getting met and there were problems in our relationship. I would get envious of the attention when I was lacking or craving it. I never really felt threatened by others though - because for me if the people in the relationship are doing the work - doing what they need to keep it going -- then there is no reason in my mind to feel threatened.

I often feel poly is a used though as a way to "fix" relationships. The primary couple might not be playing as much, the new relationship energy has faded and so they think adding outside relationships will spark energy into their own relationship. And that usually fails miserably...in my humble opinion. I think when we get in a relationship we all love that new energy and the attention that we get then but if things aren't working in your current relationship - then it is unfair to engage in another just to experience those good feeling from the new energy. Also if there is problems in the primary relationship usually the secondary relationships will be affected by fall out from the problems in the primary so not fair to the secondary also.

Just as there are many ways to do BDSM - I think there are many ways to do poly. I think poly *for me* is being involved in a long term intimate relationship with more then one person. For me it is *not* just playing or having sex with someone casually. Many people include swinging in poly but that isn't poly to me either.

I have been a part of poly relationships over the years....

My first poly experience was within a big poly family. When I moved in, there was 1 live in slave besides me, 1 live in servant type girl who was not owned by the dominant but served him, 2 submissives that did not live with us and then other casual play partners that didn't live with us. Shortly after moving in a D/s couple moved in with us and the dominant I was involved with became the head of the household basically. It was a complicated set up. But it worked between the 2 dominants. All the girls "could" play with each other without asking - SM or sex. All the girls of the dominant I was involved with could play with the other dominant except me I wasn't allowed to play with him. The other dominant's submissive could play with the dominant I was involved with. Most of the girls within the household - I was not attracted to and more importantly did not have the connection I needed there to be when involved with....except the other dominants submissive. And so she and I were involved. We had a very loving sensual relationship. She was very sweet. And I miss her. Anyway, I will I am sure talk about her again and so using her nickname, Bug.

In the time I was with this dominant he had quite a few come and go. In the end it was just him and I living together but he had long distant relationships going also. We even had kids in the household at one time too -- an 8 year old for a summer and teenager for over a year.

I will be coming back to that relationship again as I ramble.

After my relationship in the poly family. I then had trial run with a very dear couple that I love an adore to this day. They were just starting to explore poly together. And there has been previous issues so we kind of had a bumpy road. After that I was involved in a D/s relationship with one, a Daddy/little girl with someone else and a Top/bottom with another fellow - plus I had 2 girlfriends all at the same time and they all knew of each other.

It really was not until Master that I "stopped" poly relationships as he believes and I also do - when starting an M/s relationship it is very important to build a strong foundation and he felt that would be hard if pursuing others at the same time. He wanted us to just focus on us. I feel, Master and I do have a strong foundation now but I know that neither of us feel it is still a good time to pursue an outside relationship. Master is very busy and doesn't have much time with me right now and so it is highly unlikely that he would be able to give to another also.

Since Big Love started showing, I am not kidding when I say this, I have weekly and almost at times nightly poly dreams. Sometimes it is me just being the fourth wife of Bill (but who doesn't have those dreams right - we all want to sleep with margene). And other times it is Master and I being in a triad.

It is odd because when Master and I talked about poly early on in our relationship. I told him that my wishes (of course his word is law so although I can express my thoughts, desires, ideas, wishes in the end he does what he wants)....so I told him my wishes that if we were to ever do poly that I would like it if the other person didn't live with us. And that comes from my past experiences. If it is not just the right mix, tensions in a household can become very intense. And no one likes walking on egg shells at home. And so the thought of having someone he/we go on dates with, get together and play with and do some family things together but she goes back to her own home sounded so much nicer to me then living with someone.

So Big Love starts and I start having dreams. And I think someone living with us is very nice. It then occurs to me that most of my daydreams about this other person has to do with me. I realized in the day dreams she is -for me-. Because we all know it is about me (insert cough and yeah right). But really in these day dreams she was for me. Because lately I just have been very lonely. And Master has been so busy we just haven't had quality time. So yes I thought about washing dishes with another girl, folding clothes together, having sex (woohoo) and just hanging out together. And that is when I realized "okay duh danae you are having these feelings because you are lonely." I am not sure I really have changed my views on having someone live with us. But maybe because I have played over and over it has softened me more to the idea of it. But again really it has to be the right mix. I can't stress that enough. For the type of poly Master and I might ever be involved with he would want me involved with her too...not just him. And so finding that fit for 2 people is very complex to me.

Again it really isn't up to me. But I know if we ever want to go that direction Master and I will be talking about it a lot as he doesn't want it to go like it has in my past. He wants things spelled out more clearly what we desire, where we want it to go and such. So those are all good things.

And it won't be happening for some time if it ever does as Master just has too much on his plate.

(to be continued)