Part 1 - Part 2 These are some memories from my times in the poly family. Not all of them are good moments. Some are really ugly actually. It is hard also to re-live it and remember that I was acting so irrationally and stupid frankly. I did lots of things I am not proud of and many things happened in the poly family. I had some really good times but the majority of it was not good. It was chaotic, emotional, just bad situations that were not healthy over all. I know we all learned a lot of what poly is and isn't - how it should work so it is good that I learned from the experiene. And thankful that wouldn't happen again.
Just some memories and thoughts of the poly family....the good, the bad and the ugly...
~ I moved in and 2 nights after being there he had a date with someone new. And although at the time I think I handled it very light-heartedly being so friendly and even flirty with her. Later it really bothered me that we didn't have time for our family to build a good bond and foundation before he was looking for his next addition. It was always who is next type feeling. Relationships - all relationships require work not just poly ones but when you are adding in multiple personalities and sets of likes and dislikes it does takes time and effort to mesh that together and make it work.
~ Okay so here is something that I am not proud of and that I don't recommend to ANYONE. And I learned the valuable lesson I should have because of it. I didn't know any of the family face to face. I know not a good thing --- AT ALL. I was naive and enthralled instead of using my brain and THINKING! It is amazing what slowing down and using your brain can do. So when I moved in his first* girl was on vacation to see her family so while she was gone it was actually nice for him and I to have quality time together. But I kept asking what he expected when she was there...sleeping arrangements, sex, domestic duties and so on. And it was just kind of like shrugged off. Now gentle readers...learn from my mistakes please...PLEASE PLEASE discuss ALL that before YOU EVER get to the point of moving in! PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you. Anyway, so that first night with her there wasn't very pleasant for me. I went with it. I did what I felt I should as "his slave" but inside I was really confused and upset. His first girl wasn't someone I was attracted to. There were just lots of things about personality that wasn't someone I like. We had nice conversations on ims, emails, and phone but face to face of course it didn't click like that. She was much different face to face. And I am sure I was different to her too. So that first night was completely uncomfortable for me. I tried to talk to my dominant about it before and after but I am not sure he really got that I wasn't attracted to her and that I didn't feel compatible with her. She and I would sit and chat for a bit but we never were close. All the things I love about poly would never come to be with her. He got it over time but he kept trying to put us together for a while. And I was with her to please him but it was never something I felt "good" about. And I really don't feel that is a situation that I don't care to repeat. (*first - not as in head slave but it was actually his first slave. And so she was there before anyone else -- been there the longest.)
~ Because I didn't like her like she liked me and wanted us to be...it did create friction at times. But she just felt the next sister slave would be "better." Her words to me. And that is when the D/s couple entered our household. Bug the s part of the couple wasn't attracted to her either and Bug was attracted to me. Bug and I hit it off right away. We blended so well as lovers, friends and serving together. It was just very nice. Bug's husband and Dominant was also very attracted to me and made that quite known. But my dominant didn't want me to be with other men....because I was "his favorite toy." Yes there were lots of problems going on. So none of this set well with first girl. Bug's husband was with first girl. But he still was very vocal about his desire to be with me. And because Bug and I were together I know being male he wanted to see his wife with a woman! As Bug had never been with a woman before she got involved with me. And my dominant, bug and I were all together so you can see that it didn't seem quite fair. Not that D/s relationships usually are fair. Moving on.
~ I had really good moments with Bug and then Bug and my dominant. Us 3 going to the strip club....watching Bug get a lap dance. Her facial expressions! Us 3 going on dates to dinner and movies. Him reading to us in bed. Her and I being with him together were nice times. Us three together were the reasons I love poly. We laughed, snuggled, did things together and just had a nice time together. Even just being silent in the room together. We served him together in many ways and it was always just very nice.
~ Eventually Bug and her dominant moved out. I wasn't allowed to see them or contact them. First girl moved out and I actually felt she got the short end of things - in many ways. The servant girl we had to ask leave (again long story). Others came and went. Several were long distance or just play partners. Then eventually L moved in. Basically my dominant had been talking to her and I was at this point - in the mindset of if they didn't seem real or serious I didn't want to chat with them. I remember it really clearly...I was lying on the bed in the slave room because I was horribly sick and he came in to tell me that someone was passing through town and going to visit us. Then asked if I would like to talk to her on the phone. So I said sure. I talked to her on the phone and she is saying how thankful she is to "Master" and she can't wait to meet me and live as "sister slaves" and then she asked me I wanted to talk to her daughter. She called me sis over and over again and this was our first time talking. Good thing I was lying down when this conversation took place as I think I would have fainted otherwise. What came out in the conversation was that she considered herself his already. She was moving in - yes moving in - with us in 2 weeks with her teenage daughter. Something I must mention, she really was a sweetheart on the phone. She sounded actually probably how I do on my phone posts all giggly and giddy. She was extremely polite, kind and gracious. So these were ALL good things since she was moving in. After the conversation with her, I went to the dominant and said I thought we should talk. He said about what. So I explained the conversation I had with L. I was very calm, very respectful and it ended up with him saying I was the one that didn't want to talk to anyone new. So I am sick as a dog and hardly able to move and we have not only another slave moving in but her teenager. So it was a shock but out of all the people that lived us...although I loved Bug very much the chaos of the household then made it hard for us to have the poly type situations I really desired. And with L, I got that....we had the poly situations I wanted for the most part.
~ L did move in and it was and up and down thing. Her and I had very different views of slavery. She felt until the dominant tells you to do something - she wasn't to do it as he didn't "order" her too. So if there wasn't any clothes for Master to wear because they were all sitting in the laundry hamper she didn't "think" to wash them until he ordered her too. After we got that straightened out - she was HARD worker. And very good at cleaning. So it did become the poly I wanted and dreamed about....us cooking together, folding clothes together, laughing, teasing and singing together. Yes singing L had amazing voice and I used to sing in contests as a child (until I developed stage fright). And so I love to sing so we would sing together and harmonize actually very well together. Our voices sounded very nice together.
~ Another great moment...we would lay on the bed after the dominant came home and we would just relax, talk and laugh...all 3 of us. We were fully dressed - no adult situations occurring. It was good quality family time.
~ We were moving to a bigger apartment in the same building 3 floors down. Right before we moved in the dominant, L and myself went in and did little rituals in each room - making them safe and just cleansing the energy...claiming it as our home. We wrote a little note that got taped in each room in a place people wouldn't notice basically saying this place is ours and safe. We had pizza and wine and laid on the living room floor with candles as the power had not been turned on yet. We talked, hugged, kissed and just were there with each other bringing a wonderful first memory to the place.
~ The day we moved in....would have been my wedding anniversary to my ex-husband and really it was the first wedding anniversary after the divorce even though we hadn't spent the previous 2 wedding anniversaries together the one after the divorce really hit me hard. I know I don't talk about him much now but he is someone I will always love. And have lots of regrets with him so was a hard day for me. But we had to move. We had moved some down the few days before but not really kicked ass like we needed too so now we had just 1 more day to move everything. So L asked our dominant if she could get us drunk. She made pitcher after pitcher of this mix that went down like kool-aid. And so by the end of the day we had it done but also as the day wore on it was very much kind of throwing things on to the dolly and unloading just to get it off and do the next load. But we had SUCH a GREAT time! We laughed all day long. We would start to lift something heavy and get the giggles you know...those times when you really shouldn't because you could drop it and break toes! And of course that is when we would laugh. We would laugh until we were crying! It was such a great time. People would squeeze on to the elevator with us and all our self and we would be laughing and they would say they never saw someone moving having so much fun. And that would just crack us up more. Anyway, she took a very hard day for me and made it into a very memorable fun day.
~ L was a very sweet and shy girl for the most part and so just doing small things for her made her beam. Doing even bigger things made her a sloppy mushy mess - just like I get. I gave her a bracelet that was to strands of silver coming together and forming a knot in the middle. And I felt it was her and I. I gave that to her and she and I both were balling our heads off. That kind of bond that happened during those moments are things I miss about being poly. Of course there was another side to her that wasn't good either. But she had lots of problems and I hope she got help for them and now is happy. Really happy.
~ Something I really liked the whole time I was in the poly family was when the dominant was playing with one of the girls. It made me feel good that he was having fun. The spare room/slave room was next door to the Master bedroom and so often you could hear them through the walls. And I loved it. It made me feel good and sometimes (depending on who it was) very turned on. (side note: I will talk about structure within the poly family in another post - like did we all sleep together, how things go divided up and so on)
When I go through all the memories in my mind the times that I liked the best was just having sister time...I liked cooking and cleaning with them. It was great standing side by side in the laundry room folding clothes and chatting and laughing. Or making the bed together, setting the table, grocery shopping and all the other domestic things we could do together. I liked that time a lot. When I tried the triad with my dear friends it was the thing I liked the most also...her and I cooking, cleaning, and just doing things together as family. (*sister - I don't like the term sister. For some reason it irritates me. I think hearing on Big Love has made me feel a little bit better about it. But really I only think of sister in 2 contexts and the 2nd is still one I am working on being better with. So 1) my biological sisters are my sisters. 2) those who are "sister" slaves. Such on Big Love they call themselves sister wives.)
(to be continued...part 4 will be of structure of how it worked)
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