Nightmares

Last night I did not sleep well at all...of course....I know surprise surprise. I woke Kam up with nightmares. And then the 2nd set of them....were the worst...things from childhood and then Don. I could not get calmed down and back to sleep....so I called Nick. He answered the phone..."you are having nightmares?" We chatted about what was going on and then his classes. He made me laugh and get my mind off things and I went back to sleep for a few hours.

I feel the roller coaster ride that I was on yesterday and better part of today is coming down. My emotions are more even.

I understand what he meant when he said what he did. I don't agree with it still. But I understand it. I feel he was seeing my point of view also. And that mattered to me.

I thought I had all my emotions and thoughts of Don all dealt with and stored away and one comment sent me spinning into flashbacks and nightmares. That frustrates me to no end.

So, now I worry about a couple things....that something will happen to trigger it. And that anyone I am with will worry about it. I remember after I told Jim about Don and some of the things he did. Jim stopped touching me. And when I would make sexual advances he would be confused...and back off. He could not understand WHY I wanted sex.

I do want all I say and all the things I have done in the past. I just am a little nervous now if it triggers emotional response that is directly related to things with Don. I don't want Monseigneur E...or even Nick to hold back and be cautious...or stop and leave. The last is of course the greatest fear.