Friends

Music: Madonna ~ Ray of Light
Rune ~ Berkana ~ Growth & Rebirth

Horoscope.....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): You are still feeling the residual effects of the serious obstacles that you’ve been facing, either in romance or with money, but today you are committed to figuring out a solution to your dilemma. It’s not going to be a quick and easy fix, but you are willing to think it through step by step and make it work.

Today.....Friday.....

I got up early to go and met Moni and Katrina for breakfast. We ended up spending all day together it...was very nice. I am glad to be back among my friends. I also felt something all day....sadness...nothing to do with my friends...they were great. I felt near tears all day and actually cried at breakfast but that is just because I had to talk of an area that is really really hitting me hard right now. I am uncertain of where to call home. I have not been calling Cleveland home for 2 weeks now. And I am not sure why or when that changed. I have ideas. It changed when Monseigneur E took control. It changed when things were so comfortable and safe at Sir Laz and Aydeen's. It changed when I realized that living here....how I do was lying to myself more then I thought it was...anyway...I am grieving not having a home I guess. Everything seems so foreign. It is not a good feeling. Even though I know I will have a "home" someday it is not making it better right now in this moment.

I have almost called several people tonight because I am upset. But I was also in that mode of not wanting to reach out and ask for help. I don't like when I get that way...I mean it is hard to ask for help anyway...but tonight it seemed even more so.

Tomorrow (Saturday)....I am being with friends. I know that will be nice.

I feel like I have more walls up then ever...but the usual walls. I told someone today that sometimes there are walls that block good things. I think I have walls up that are blocking good spiritual insights. Maybe it is not time? I had an I Ching reading before I left for Memphis and one of the questions I asked about my next relationship. And I was told that my next relationship would bring me to a higher place spiritually. As bad as this might sound... I was surprised thinking that Nick would be that one. And that is only because I don't view Nick as a spiritual person. He would not put himself as one either. I believe in astrology, I Ching, Tarot readings, the Runes because to me they are coming from my energy....and even though they might be generalized they still give me focus or direction. They also tell me things I know but need to hear.

Runes have been talking about emptying myself...to become the person I will be. Basically I feel like I need to shed all that I have become to become who I will be...the person I really am that has been buried with all the experiences of my life. I need to be that person I am scared to be...to be nothing...is really the essence of who I want to be...need to be to be what I feel is the purpose of my life.