danae

Music: No Music....silence...headache all day
Rune: Berkana ~ Growth/Rebirth - Reversed of course lol

Today I woke up angry...with a migraine and just not feeling well and as the day went on...it just got worse. I threw up several times. And have to of course eat with the migraine medicine. And so it was hard to keep it down.

The tonight I was on the edge of getting in trouble and I was not letting anger come out in other ways tonight and was so proud that I was not taking it out on him. And then, I still got in trouble. Takes talent to do that huh? lol

I am really bad about explaining before answering a question. It is funny because slaves in training in the Market Place books get in trouble for that one and when I would read that I would think...about I would be getting in trouble for that. And I had been getting better about it for a short time and now I am doing it again.

I don't want to hurt Kam. I have already hurt him enough. And I know him very well. I know what will hurt and what won't. I know how he has been with my past relationships. Men who have had control of me while I was with him still, he does not react well to. He does not like to hear about them, talk about them, know anything about the control...he prefers to pretend they are not there. Not that he would be try to pressure me to do something against what they want but he just does not act like they are their in my life. I know how he reacts to others having control of me.

So now...I get to add one more thing to grieve about because Monseigneur E and I disagree.

Tonight I am beating up on myself. I can't talk about this anymore. I have cried like every 15 mins now for the last 2 hours. I should not have any tears left.