Anger

My anger is going up and down.

Resentments will build though and are already...as I do realize there is something tonight I expect. Not support. Not agreement. But something else.

I am going to go on a little rant and please no one read into this....it is me venting....

When I worked as co-facilitator of rape survivor groups....I saw lots of different women and all of their stories of what happened....different. How and why they got there where all different. But bottom line was none of them deserved what they got. Even if they put themselves in a position where it "could" happen....where it was probable....they still in my opinion did not deserve it.

That to me...is like saying....I got in a car accident and I deserved it because you know...I got in the car. I mean it is probable to get in an accident. I mean we all might as well start...stop living life if we might have something happen.

I trust people. I am naive at times. I admit that fully. But for all the naivety in me...I would not trade it to...put more walls up. I have enough of those up as is....

I have reached out. The door is not closed. But to me it takes two.

I just flashed to something that happened with my business and someone else said something similar....about "you put yourself at risk you must have to expect it could happen"

You know what....NO I DON'T. I do not expect anyone to act anything less then his or her best. My naivety at it's best huh? I should have gotten already that people don't have the courage to do the right thing. Please look at what Di did. *rolls eyes*

My anger level rising again.

Since being back from Memphis...I am on an emotional roller coaster. And I do not like this at all. Life...was smoother.

Despite what others think...moving is stressful for me. Leaving Kam is stressful. Despite....having ups and downs with him for 4 years...I love him. And he is still my Daddy. And it is hurting so much to know that I am losing my Daddy. I hate saying it out loud. I have not been...I have not even admitted he was Daddy still...really. It says it in my who's who...I put it becuase it was the first thing I thought and felt. And it is true but I skim past it fast. And he has actually been great...since I got back from Memphis. He was there for me when I was screaming last night. He has been here for me today when I had flashbacks. Why do I have to explain all the stress in my life? F*ck