more natural and easy

Music: Eurythmics ~ Greatest Hits
Rune: Fehu ~ Possessions/Nourishment - Reversed

I am not being as productive today as I would like which means tonight and tomorrow… I will have to get my butt in gear.

Kam and I just got done having a long talk…some reminiscing of the past. We talked about the Daddy/little girl thing. He has felt so much like Daddy lately and he said he has purposely been doing that as he has felt it and wants our last week together to be good. He has really been here for me and I appreciate it so much. It seems so strange to think about that week before I went to Memphis how hard it was…and now is so different. He really has been great!

Last night Linda and I had a talk about why I was having problems trusting and opening up to Monseigneur E and after that talk…I decided it was time to let go of the fears and just have faith in him. And just being able to do tha t - give him that faith and let go of the fears - has already shown lots of changes. He noticed. And when he said he noticed, that helped me to continue opening up, because I knew he was "hearing" me.

I wrote him 2 emails last night and then we talked quite a bit today. It felt more natural and easy. I am not saying all the fears are gone and I am suddenly able to open up…it still was and is hard. But did seem easier as time went on.

We talked about a lot of things that I actually did not expect to be talking about…and I told him things that to me seemed not something I “needed” to share with him but after I would share those things he would say something about it being good that shared that with him. So, I had been thinking there were things I should not or did not need to share that now I see are things he wants to know. What is also strange…is I did not question why those things were important for him to know. He just said he was glad I told him those things and I accepted it. Yeah ME! LOL Believe me I am giving me a pat on the back…because just accepting even something small these days seems like a huge thing.

He also flipped the slut switch on again. I had kind of turned it off on Sunday after things that happened last weekend. And then with the anger and such I turned it on…which is kind of weird because normally anger turns me on. I mean I get very horny when angry…but this time I did not. I was worried because I had turned it off it might take some work to turn it back on but I was proven wrong on that…I was instantly turned on. Oh well I am easy right?

Not really I am not. Even though it probably seems like it at times lol

I talked with Nick on last night. We talked about some of his past...I was so happy to have him share with me. I am glad he trusts me enough to talk about it. We had a good convo and I felt really good and peaceful so that I could get back to sleep.

I talked to Monseigneur E about one reason I don’t call him. And it comes down to his schedule. I know his sleeping pattern is…because of his schedule is…kind of off; so I feel I should not “bother” him. I was told today call if I need to call. And I am trying to accept that I can…but right now I am still feel that feeling of I don’t want to disturb him.

There are lots of things I want to write about but I really need to get busy. So maybe later…