Thursday, January 05, 2006

Reminders of Place

A long while back someone online that I have been on many lists with over the years posted in her journal about "Reminders of Place." She is someone who always has an interesting perspective to me so I enjoy reading her posts.

Most of what I am going to say I said in her comments but her post kept popping up in my head. And also this disclaimer will be needed -- this is just what works for me and is done in our relationship of course others might use reminders of place and there is nothing wrong with that...just going to explain why it does not work in our relationship.

We don't do regular reminders of place. By reminders of place...I mean regular beatings or regular active domination. It is something that I used to think I needed or was something "all submissives" needed so I must need it too. It was part of that "group think" that I got caught up in - before realizing not all that is out there is made for everyone.

In the past, I think I desired reminders of place because it was attention and SM from the dominant. And I do enjoy both. But over the years I have changed. And so, when I would read that submissives wanting a "reminder of place" -- I thought there was something wrong with me for not desiring that. I convinced myself that I needed reminders of place. Combine that with me being an attention slut and was negative attention and I found although I seemed to bring it on -- it really was not something I wanted.

In a past relationship, I told (yes told) the dominant that he was suppose to give me daily spankings for reminder of my place. And so of course it was long long discussions full of the end he started to do them but they wouldn't last. They would die down and so I would get upset and get snippy. I hate even recounting these memories because they make me cringe that I behaved that way...but I did. I now see they never lasted because he was going against his nature and they were not what he truly desired. And because I really did not react well to them. So that push and pull went on for a while until...they were dropped by the way side.

It was not until I was out of the relationship that I realized that I really don't want or need reminders of place because I do that myself. It took me a long time to allow myself to be comfortable being me. And also to get the attention I am given is much better when given because the dominant wants to give it rather because he feel obligated to "remind me of my place." So now I look back in past relationships and see really what was going on. I see when the dominant tried to give me a reminder of my place - it usually annoyed me more then bringing me into a more submissive mindset.

I don't feel I need reminders of my place from Master because that is part of my job. If I am forgetting my place, then I need to do something about it. If he were to have to remind me of my place - I would probably feel very guilty and upset in the end because I am taking time away from things he usually would be doing during that time. Most likely relaxing. And that is for me not being of good service to Him.

Again this is how it works for me.

1 comment:

  1. This runs pretty much parallel to my/our thinking. I tend to believe that it is my job to keep myself in "place," and that needing constant reminding makes me more of a burden than an asset.



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