Just a quick update....

We made it to Denver yesterday and head back home tomorrow. Just a quick trip this time. The snow has been hitting the mountains today though so I hope it clears out before we hit the road tomorrow.

Today I got to go to a few stores here that I enjoy. I bought some nice stuff and got some ideas for upcoming presents and such.

We have had a nice time although it was quick. We will be back longer next month though. Maybe we can make plans to get together with some friends of ours over on this side of the mountains...we haven't seen them in a while and we always enjoy our time with them.

I just wanted to sign on and do a quick entry. I am still on time for my time zone but not for the Holidailies time zone I don't think.

More to come...hopefully more interesting tomorrow.

Holiday Music

I love holiday music. If I could - I would - probably play it all year around. But the day after Thanksgiving is when I drag all my holiday cds out. I think I have at least 50 (maybe more). I have everything from religious to the 80’s Holiday cd with bands. I love the Band Aide song, “Do they know it’s Christmas?” One of my favorites though and it really doesn’t matter who performs it is “Grown Up Christmas.” Or "I'll be home for Christmas."

We are about to leave for our trip so just wanted to at least get a quick entry in.

Umm...Tired...

Tired.
Going out of town in the morning.
Frosted the sour cream cookies tonight and then topped them with little holiday sprinkles – Christmas trees, snowflakes, gingermen, snowmen, and candy canes.
Tired.
Mailed bunches of holiday packages.
Need to pack and gather things for leaving tomorrow.
Tired.
Going to take some pictures of holiday treats. And then pack.

That’s it for tonight. No More Brain Power!

'Tis the Season to be Busy

I will do another look back tomorrow night. But for now I thought I would do a little life update and some commentary to a quote.

Right now life is extremely busy...'tis the season right? We were suppose to leave for a trip today, but well Master has some sad news this week. A friend died so we are delaying our trip. We will be leaving on Saturday. Things we did/doing this week: finished Christmas shopping, baking, more baking, making jar mixes for gifts, getting packages ready to mail and...oh and did I mention baking. My Christmas baking includes: Festive Bark (almond bark with pretzels and M&M's mixed in), peppermint bark, chocolate fudge, maple fudge, chocolate caramels, Cardamom cutout cookies drizzled with espresso glaze and dark chocolate, sour cream cookies, molasses cookies, and chocolate chip cookies with peppermint bark. For jar mixes I did hot cocoa (amaretto and french vanilla), brownies (with white chocolate and coconut), Cranberry, white chocolate cookies, and then M&M Chocolate Chip cookies.

kaya wrote this a while back but I related to it a lot:"Years ago I used to fantasize about being a slave, like a lot of people who read me tell me they do. And now, I fantasize about not being a slave..lol. I used to have this romanticized vision of being an owned woman, controlled and obedient.. and now I have a romanticized vision of having a job and having friends and being normal."

I know once upon a time I had a very romantic version of what D/s was...what being a slave was about...I got caught up in that submission is a gift and slaves are cherished precious property and should be treated as such. And well although Master loves me and views me as valuable property there is not all the hearts and flowers that I read of in stories. Being a slave - for me - is a lot of hard work and putting him first always and in all ways. And some days that is harder then I would like to admit. Some days going back to my previous days in my life...of hanging out with friends - shopping and dinner sounds great. And not that Master wouldn't let me do that...but my mindset is totally different now and even when I have done things with friends the mind is always whats next. And so it isn't the same as before.

Looked at time....I need to get going and finish addressing packages...

But one last thing...although hanging out with friends and doing what I want sounds nice...I wouldn't trade serving Master. I am his and I want to his for as long as he will have me.

A Look Back....February

This look back version of Winter Count....is for February. It was a month of looking back for me - the posts are graphic and I suggest those that coming from Holidailies please understand that is it was a long time ago and although I struggled with it. It is a part of me.

But first before those posts is from our anniversary....
Mush Ahead...Claimed

History Revisited - This is just a post linking to other past history posts.

History: Don & Mike Part 1 - If you read any of the previous post links then you now know who about Don. Mike was a housemate of Don and he also worked at the same place Don and I did. I really liked Mike. He and I got a long great and he made me laugh.

History: Don & Mike Part 2
History: Don & Mike Part 3 (a)
History: Don & Mike Part 3 (b)
History: Don & Mike Part 4 (a)
History: Don & Mike Part 4 (b)
Q&A about Don

A Look Back....January.

A Look Back....January

I don't have the time to do a Gratitude Tuesday today. (yes I am pouting as I type that). So I thought I would do a quick idea I had come up with that I can do easily while out of town the end of this week.

I posted the other day that I wasn't going to be able to do a Winter Count. But I did decide I would go back and find some entries that are my favorites, important to me or evoke some emotion that makes it special to me - for each month in 2006.

So here is my own version of a Winter Count for January...

Reminders of Place - this entry stirred a lot of umm vocal opinions via email from people reading it here on my blogger. Again I don't feel just because a person needs reminders - it is a bad thing. I just feel for me it would seem like Master is serving me and that would make us both feel out of sorts.

Another entry...

Moment to Cherish - this is just an entry that I look at and smile. Master makes me smile and laugh often.

Positive Monday - December 11

5 good things in my life...

1. Shopping for Christmas presents. I found things for my Mom and sisters that I think they will enjoy.
2. Spending lots of time in my studio and actually creating some Christmas presents.
3. Mail Love - We got LOTS of Christmas cards in the mail today. And also a package.
4. Migraine went away late this afternoon!
5. After a hard day for Master, he is sound asleep...and I hope getting some rest.

Holiday Meme

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap the presents or just set them under the tree? Santa puts them in our stockings unwrapped. When I was a little kid though he put them in our stockings unwrapped but also a few wrapped under the tree.
3. Colored or white lights on the tree/house? Colored - red on tree. None on the house
4. Do you hang mistletoe? no
5. When do you put up your decorations? Dec 7 - right after Master's birthday.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? hmmm not sure....just some of the goodies my Mom and Grandma make like Lesfe or Fattigmanns
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? One I already described at the end of this entry.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa ? hmm I don't recall. I guess though I still believe in Santa just a version that there is magic and things to believe in although you don't always see them/it.
9. Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve? Growing up my family opened them on Christmas Eve. Master's family does them Christmas morning though so that is what we do.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Red lights, ribbon garland and lots of ornaments that have meaning to us. Like Master has several drum ornaments that he was given over the years because he is a drummer. He has some that his Grandmother made. I have some from my childhood and then gifts from my sisters and friends over the years.
11. Snow! Love or Dread it? like it....I have good memories of it. But i don't like being cold now
12. Can you ice skate? Maybe....I haven't in many many many years.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? None are standing out to me.
14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you? family...Christmas spirit for me is family. I love spending Christmas with Master alone but I also miss my family a lot this time of year.
15. Favorite holiday dessert? no dessert just lots of goodies....pecan pie bars and the things I mentioned above...oh and sour cream cookies
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? just being together....enjoy time together....seeing the magic and spirit of the season.
17. What tops your tree? nothing at the moment as the star we bought last year is too heavy for it.
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving
19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Grown Up Christmas List or I'll Be Home for Christmas
20. Candy Canes? Sure

Tree Decorating Adventures

We finally got the tree decorated today. I brought over the tins that have the ornaments in them. I have a ton of Christmas tins that I use to put baked goods. When I pack up the Christmas stuff I put ribbon garland in one tin, ornaments and just other little Christmas odds and ends. And I lifted a few ornaments out of a tin....a scream emerged from me... that the whole neighborhood heard...

My fingers wrapped around...


....the ribbon garland!

One of our cats was in the living room he looked at me and you could tell he thought "what is it that she has in her hand that has made her scream so...it must be horrible." He stalked over to me very cautiously and then sniffed the ribbon in my hand. He looked up at me cocking his head and again you could tell he was thinking no that I can't be what I am smelling. So he sniffed the ribbon again. He looked up at me saying in his cat meows "you do know this is the ribbon garland you have been looking for several days right. You should be happy." And then walked away like "okayyy she has lost it - AGAIN"

See when I looked in this tin before it just looked like it was well packed with ornaments but under the ornaments was the ribbon on their spools. So now we have not only ribbon garland but we have the garland I got at Target last night that is gold with little sparkly stars on it. They actually look good together because the ribbon has cold in it.

I am such a dork sometimes. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I had just emptied out each tin. Oh well...live and learn and now the tree is up and looks very pretty.

PS: if you didn't read my last entry this one probably didn't make much sense to you...but basically I think you are getting the gist that I misplaced the ribbon garland and went to 3 stores yesterday trying to find something to replace it. I didn't find ribbon I liked so we ended up getting sparkly gold garland with little stars on it.

Late....

Well it is 10 minutes late according to Mountain time...

I got caught up in making Christmas gifts tonight and lost track of time. Which is good thing as I have been having some fear in regards to art lately...fear of the what ifs. But I have seem to gotten past it...at least starting on my way to getting past it. I made lots of little gift stuff and it has helped me so maybe I will be able to move on to some bigger pieces.

Tonight we had to run around to several places as the garland we usually do on our tree was not in the Christmas decoration boxes. So we went to 3 places and didn't find what we wanted but got something that will do at least for this year.

Tomorrow we will finish decorating the tree - right now it just has lights on it. It has been actually kind of pretty that way. But we will put the rest of the decorations on it tomorrow. Then Monday I will bake and work on more Christmas gifts. Tuesday I think we will go out and shop. And then Wednesday bake more. Thursday we leave to go out of town until Sunday - but I should be able to do some quick updates from out to town.

2006 in Review

Last year I decided to take part in Wintercount that I found via Danger and Mayhem: The Winter Count was a Native American tradition that helped keep the history of the tribe before they had written records. It usually consisted of pictographs showing major events from the year. Each year, when the new winter count was done, the person responsible for the count would tell the story of the previous counts, passing it down to the next generation, and then filling in new images and stories for the year that had just passed. You can see more examples of Winter Counts in the Library of Congress archives.

And don't feel I can do justice a post for each month so this is a year in review of sorts...

January
~ My parents came to visit. We had a nice visit.
~ Master bought lots of equipment that really got him started on his path to quitting his job.
~ Lots of dentist appointments for me.
~ Obsessed with Project Runway.


February
~ Celebrated 3 years with Master!
~ Unfortunately a really bad month for migraines - some of my worst ever


March
~ nothing really of significance except Master and I had bad colds

April
~ a friend of ours died

May
~ our friend dying affected not only grieving for her loss but Master seeing he needed to live his life and pursue his passion. So he made the decision that he would be giving notice to his job and start his own business

June
~ beginning of June Master gave his notice
~ I worked on lots of art

July
~ Master's "retirement" from his job and the start of his business

August
~ Master had lots of work with his new business right away
~ I had lots of work with his new business
~ Master hurt his knee
~ admitting I was depressed to myself

September
~ I made a big step forward in putting myself out there as an artist
~ Donated my hair to locks of love

October
~ We went on a trip and were gone for almost 3 weeks
~ My Grandmother turned 90
~ I had my birthday and turned 39
~ discussions of depression and being burnt out

November
~ Some upswings on the depression so that was a good thing

December
Well it is still going on but it will turn out to be a very good month!

(ps: the photos are my art - not great photos of them...I need to start asking Master to take pictures of them.)

André the Giant Twin

I watched the Princes Bride the other night. That is a great movie that I could watch a million times and never get sick of it. I am a dork...because lately after I watch a movie I will then watch it with the commentary on the next time. And so I did that with the Princess Bride. I like the fun little things they tell you in the commentary. Anyway, I was listening to Rob Reiner talk about André the Giant and it gave me memories of something from my past.

When I was young and in college, I worked 3 jobs and went to school full time for one semester (next semester cut back and only worked one job and got a loan to pay for the rest of school). I worked as a clerk in a baby store, a hotel desk clerk, and a waitress. I worked during the summer before as a maid in the hotel and the general manager and his wife who worked there too liked me so they asked me if I would like a job at the front desk. I said yes right away - being a maid is hard work. They had a hotel that was comparable to Quality or Comfort Inn. I enjoyed the work for the most part as I was able to study on week nights when it was slow. After a while the owners ended up buying a motel out by the truck stops too. It had been a Budget Inn. Anyway, they were having problems finding someone to work out there. And so they asked me. Really it was close to where I lived because it was off the interstate so it was just a jump on the interstate and 3 exits and I was there. I told them I would try it out. I was a little nervous about being so far out there. Although it was close to home by interstate really the motel it self was set kind of away from the other things in the area of the truck stop.

And it was a sleazy motel. I mean it was clean but it was obviously been around for quite some time so worn with age. It was geared towards those that wanted cheap clean room. People staying at the motel were mostly truckers. It once had a bar but there were too many fights so they closed that down. They had a little grocery area with chips, deodorant, toothbrushes, books, magazines and such. They sold dirty magazines and they also...rented porn movies. This was all in the lobby and so anything they bought they had to come pay for at the front desk. The porn movies were a hit with the truck drivers, but it had an umm a side affect of sorts for me. I got hit on ALL the time.

They would watch one porn, come back turn that one in, then rent another one and proceed to hit on me in between the movies. Heck it should have been obvious to me that would happen but really the first time it happened....I was stunned. They just watched a porn, got turned on, here is a girl behind the desk ready to rent them another one....she is not bad to look at...long hair, blue eyes, fairly chesty...so of course they need to "believe" she will have sex if they ask. Some of the comments and remarks were more graphic then suggestive. I had a few that would call down to the front desk while they watched a porn and hit on me - begging me come down and have sex with them. I had some call the front desk and breath hard and grunt as they orgasmed.

I discussed many times with my boss that I couldn't do it anymore. It was never flattering. It usually just annoyed me or at times made me nervous. Because some did get overly graphic and assertive.

Okay so what does this have to do with the Princess Bride and André the Giant, I am sure you are asking. One of the truckers that stayed at the hotel was a guy that not only looked like André the Giant in the face but was as big as him. The first time I met him, my bosses wife was working the front counter. My shift was going to start in about 15 minutes. And this huge man comes in and she introduces me and he is totally sweet and nice to her. But I felt like something was off and it had nothing to do with his size. I just felt like it was facade the being sweet and nice. He immediately made a comment to me about how pretty I was...and he was going to look forward to checking in now with me here. The way he said it gave me shivers down my back.

He was a regular customer. Every week he came in. He would chat with me. The twin would come in and lean over the counter - and because he was as big as André the Giant so he would be right on top of me. I would have to back up and there wasn't a lot room behind the counter. He would be a few inches from my face. He would often grab my hand or wrist when I tried to move down the counter away from him. He was very direct in telling me he wanted me to have sex with me. He was graphic in detail of how and what "we" would do together. He scared me. I just never felt right. It wasn't flattering.

What I never understood is why he never just laid off the comments, grabbing me, and such. He never crossed the line of....sexually grabbing me or anything like that but he was very graphic and still grabbed my wrist or hand. Maybe he could sense I was uncomfortable...maybe he thought I would give in....I don't know. I do know that he made me uncomfortable enough that I found a new job.

His Birthday

Today was Master's birthday so we just spent the day together relaxing...a little morning fun followed by breakfast and then really the day was mostly spent snuggled up on the couch watching movies/dvds. We watched the last episode (disc 1) of Colonial House, Transporter 2 and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and about to go watch an episode or two of Alias. We also did a little shopping and had dinner out. I had Seafood Alfredo that I am sure went straight to my hips and thighs with all its creamy goodness. At home tonight then I made brownie sundaes complete with candles for Master to make a wish. Master said he had a great birthday. And that makes me happy. I wanted his day to be wonderful.

Birthday Wishes....

Master, I don't have the words to adequately describe how awe-inspiring and remarkable you are...so I hope today we celebrate YOU...the wonderfully fabulous YOU in away that will show you. I love you very much! Happy Birthday Master!

Gratitude Tuesday - F

~F~

Family - I am very grateful to my family. I don't always agree with them. I don't always understand them but they are family. I love them very much. I have good memories that really show me the meaning of the family. That include my biological family and my chosen family. My chosen family is one that understands me on levels that my family just can't. They accept me in times when my family although loves me doesn't always accept me for who I am. And my chosen family does.

Friends - I have many friends and I am blessed by their support and just friendship. I am grateful for all that do and have done for me.

Food - I am grateful for food...yep I am...it nourishes me when I am lacking energy or a certain vitamins, it comforts me, it is an passion too...creating and sharing the things I cook with others.

Fucking - Well this is an adult blog...and I am thankful for a good fucking. It is not the same as sex to me or making love. It is primal and raw. It is touching in an animalistic way. Well at least it is for me. It is hard and rough usually. And it is something oh I do enjoy! (BTW fisting would be on this list I am sure - but unfortunately it is not something we have done yet.)

Fellatio - Well again...this is an adult blog. And I do like to give blow jobs. I like them to start off slow. I love it when the cock is soft - that initial feelings of a cock growing hard in my mouth is just so delightful.

Flogging - I do enjoy a good flogging. It is not something Master and I do often. But I used to get it done by some very good people in my old community. Oh for a good flogging yes I am grateful for the feelings it gave me and allowed me to release....that masochistic side.

Fabulous - I am thankful for the word fabulous because there are just so many fabulous things in this world from incense that makes the house smell fabulous to fabulous curvy women who are wonderful eye candy. Fabulous!

Female - I am grateful to be female. I love being a woman.

Future - I am grateful to be able to look forward to our future. We have goals and dreams that we are working towards for our future.

Falling - I am grateful for falling although it probably pains me to say that. But it is true. I am grateful for falling so that I learned how to try again and keep trying.

Faces - I love faces. I have a thing for faces. I love the all the different looks...each unique. Some hard and worn with age and hard work. Others innocent, soft just starting their journey through life.

Fur Babies - we have 2 kitty cats that our babies. I love and adore them. My ex-husband and I had a dog that I miss very much. I think of her everyday.

Fairy Tales - Princess and dreams! I am grateful to dream and escape through Fairy tales.