Abuse

I just read a post of a woman describing an abusive situation she was in because of her low self esteem and also because he looked for her.

She said that he preyed on her..she talked about how every aspect was consensual. She felt manipulated in ways she did not know were possible. He used tactics that lowered her self esteem even more...making her more dependent on him and less likely she would leave. She would start to feel so unworthy that the smallest amount of attention from him would be a pure gift of joy....even if they were all negative.

I felt the feeling I get deep inside when I read things like that. Excitment....Fear....Images flashing before my eyes. And that was abuse to her. It was abuse to me.....looking back and thinking of what Don did to me I would say it is abuse. So why do I crave to be back in that very situation? To get very turned on when he back handed me for looking at him...or making a noise.....or moving.....things that were unjustified really. But not. Uggghh frustration!

peace,
danae