Alone

Alone....

I know that I do not want to be alone. Am I able to be alone? Yes. In December I realized how dependent I was on Kam. And so I worked to change it. I still depend on him but not in the same sense. If he were to walk out today, yes, I would have problems paying rent on this apartment but I would be able to do the things necessary to stand on my own without him.

I am not rushing into anything with relationships. JJ is a good example. I am taking things sooo slow with her. I am talking to Dominants that seem like the type of men SO FAR that I would like as my owner. But I am not committing to any one of them. Just getting to know them. If I just were to turn around tomorrow and announce I am going to such and such because I believe my Master is there....what is wrong with that exactly? Am I running from anything? No. Am I searching for what my heart desires? Yes.

Yes, things from my past are still creeping into my present but that does not mean to me that I need to stop and put everything on hold to heal from it. Time heal all wounds. Love is not a wound. It never will be healed. It is...it just is. So if it just is....then I am going to open up and just be again.

I spent 33 years holding back...putting others needs and wants before mine. Now, I guess I am finely able to allow myself to say I WANT THIS and I am trying to go after it.

peace,
danae