Growth

Let's see - been thinking lots. My mind feels very clear. Which seems weird as I just started my period today and have been pmsing and not doing good during it all. I have been really sick. So it surprises me my mind feels so clear.

Once a year for sure I know I go through this.....a really bad period where I have way to much progesterone or estrogen - I never remember which one. But I break out....my skin is hyper sensitive. I throw up daily. I get a migraine almost daily. And I am going to have killer cramps. Those should hit tomorrow. yeah yeah joy joy lol

Mistress DM was talking to me the other morning about that she felt I was doing the same thing I always have and not changing my patterns. As soon as she said that I was trying to figure out what she meant. As I never remember discussing changing my patterns with her. I feel there are things I am adding to the foundation I have to create a stronger danae but I am not doing any remodeling so to speak lol Anyway, I do not think I need to change really just add to what I have. I think their are patterns of behavior I need to work through but most of those most people do not even know are there.

I would venture a guess that there are a few people out there that feel I have been looking for HIM..that one Dominant for a long time. After I came back from Tennessee in June of 2000. I talked to a Dominant online that I really never thought as real...which is so strange as I am talking to him now again. And he is real I know he is. He is extreme and reminds me of Don at times. I can hear the moans on that one. lol And the other Dominant I talked with was the one that would have taken me away and never to be heard from again. I stopped talking with them about a month after starting conversations with them. And then I stopped looking. I never signed on that name. I did not check the email for 3 months. And when I did then I just deleted most of it. I stopped looking for HIM. I started working on me. It was a slow start and then just wow one morning I woke and knew what i needed to do. And then a few weeks past and I was happy. It was literally that fast. I was not looking for HIM. Not even thinking of him or D/s really. I just was living. I then started talking to Sir more and that night we played started and some feeling that had been there but kind of put on the back burner started to feel hot again lol

So I played with Sir. Submission started growing in me - the need for it and before I left for Germany I knew I wanted a Master. And I wanted HIM the one. While in Germany I got Todd's email. And it was right about the time I was journaling about what I wanted and most of it was dealing with love and to be accepted. And he writes. And he seems to be different then the rest. Seems to want to know the real danae - all of her not just the part that wants extreme play.

Now after being with Todd and learning even more what I seek...

I want to find HIM. And what is wrong with that?

I feel I guess that I have so many people telling me I need to wait that I still have feelings for Todd well hell I still have feelings for Jim does that mean I put my life on hold forever? I have feelings and love for Morgan still and she has been gone for 14 years.

ugggghhhh *sigh*

I want a Master. I feel I know what I am looking for in that Master. Those that I am talking to seem to have some of those qualities and I am still talking to them to find out if the rest are there.

I need to find what makes me happy. And my next step is being owned by a Master.

peace,
danae