tired tonight

Well, lets see....

Today was my day off and I needed it. I wrote a letter to Aydeen. It was a hard letter. But I had to tell her. I was missing someone, but this afternoon we had a really great conversation. Watched Autumn in New York today. Sad movie. It is funny the song Goodnight sounds different tonight.....

I am really t and it feels like I am going to be able to sleep tonight. I am hoping.

I realized with Di's help.....that today was 2 months ago that lots of things went on with Todd - I was punished for the first time, he met Di, showed him and Di my art, and we spent the night together. The song I want to be in love is playing right now and I am smiling at good memories right at this moment. That is a good thing.

Skipping around because of course I am tried. A view a few Dominants have had with me is that "you are responsible for it so.."...like going to the doctor. I am sure many people wonder why I did not go. I have a fear of Doctors. And JJ came along and would not take no for an answer. It is caring issue to me - you care enough to help me. I talked with a Dominant that told me that there are some things he does feel is the submissive responsibilities but first the Dom has to teach the submissive how to do it. He said if I have a fear of doctors it would be his job to teach me how to get past that fear or guide me to make it a safe journey for me. Without the tools he says it is like setting the submissive up to fail. And on an issue like health he could see why I got the messages - internal messages - that - a person not helping me does not care for me.

Kam does a lot of the Daddy things still even though I have not felt the need for a Daddy but when I turn around and look at the things he does I guess it is obvious I still do. I know some of those things he has problems doing with just because he is tired or stressed but basically he says I have to take care of her. I wonder what will happen when I leave......

Someone messaged me tonight saying that my yahoo profile showed him that I was "begging to be Dominated." Interesting words.....begging to be Dominated. The last few days I have craved Dominance. I have craved pain. I have craved to feel that deeply submissive mindset where I lose all rational thinking. Where the ability to break me down into mush is very easy.

Well, I am almost falling a sleep at the keyboard so time for bed.....

Goodnight....

peace,
danae