Tuesday, August 16, 2005

History Part 3

After Brian, I dated and slept with a few guys but nothing was serious. I was frankly bored by most of the guys I met. When I was with Brian, we ended up at lots of parties that comprised of people I worked with because Dee, her boyfriend and I all worked at the same pizza place – and they were a party crowd. After we broke up, I would go to the parties find someone to have some fun with and then often leave just feeling well annoyed because it was not fun. I discovered many men just wanted me to give them what they wanted without any regards to mutual pleasure and although I do enjoy being used by Master today. And enjoyed being used back then, I also desired mutual pleasure. So, my interactions became boring for me. They were not engaging the mind with the body...just using the body. I hear Willow's line from Buffy the Vampire - The Wish when I recall those times, "Bored Now." I kind of had that same expression to those time. I remember being very lonely at the parties because I was so bored by everyone there.

I then turned 18 and that is pretty much when my life changed...but backing up for a moment...

As I said in my first history post the man that first enslaved me – I met while dating Brian. I met Don, when Brian and I were together. We were at a party. I was really drunk. Brian had done some drugs before we left to go to the party. Then we were drinking lots at the party -- he told me he needed to lie down. So we went to one of the bedrooms. He was on the bed he started to kiss me but then he said he was cold. It was dark so I turned on a lamp to see about looking around for a blanket. I saw that he was pale and his lips were blue. I ran out of the bedroom hysterical. The party had lots of people from where I worked. Well the pizza place had lots of med students work there because the tips were really good as waiters and the hours were really flexible for them. So three of the guys there came in to see Brian and they were talking to him and did some thing I can’t remember everything, as I was so drunk and upset. Anyway, I could not/would not calm down….one of them men, Don, took me by the arm very roughly and directed me out of the house. I tried to turn away, get away and go back. He said, “No you need to calm down.” I was even more hysterical outside so he slapped me then grabbed me by the hair – tilting my head up so I was looking at him. He said, “You will stop crying right now.” His tone was calm, clear but strong. Then he let me go for a moment and then took me by the arm again – bringing me with him. He took me to his car and put me in it. I would start crying and he said, “stop.” He then talked to me about what was going on with Brian and that he would be okay. He was calm, quiet and clear with everything he told me. I remember asking questions and he answered them. He then took me up in his arms and held me close and said “now let it out…cry all you want.” And I did. After I had a good cry, he gave me Kleenex and talked to me so more then walked me back to the party. And by that time Brian was looking better..don't know what they did or if I just was having a moment of where he looked worse then he was really. Anyway, I turned around to thank Don but he was gone.

I did thank him at work though. And he just brushed it off like it was nothing. So we did not really interact much again. We would say hi at work. If there was a party, we would do some small talk, but not much more then that. I then turned 18. Two days after my 18th birthday – he came up to me at work and my world changed from that moment.

More to come...in Part 3 continued....

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