Not High Maintenance

Disclaimer: I am not saying that that one way or the other way is bad or wrong. Or that there is only one true way. I am just talking about why it doesn't apply to me and why I don't like it for me. And my observations and thoughts.

This was posted elsewhere: High Maintenance

That said, I don't relate to anything in his blog entry. And that is fine. I don't need too. In the past, if I were reading something like this it would have made me feel like there is something wrong with me for not being as other submissives. But as with most things in life, the longer I’ve stayed on my path the more of I have understood myself and what I seek out of life. My thoughts, feelings and even definitions have changed over time. In the BDSM community a lot of people have different definitions as to what a submissive means to them. The vastness of blog entries, elists, forums and other sources - there are so many differing views on what a submissive is and is not, so it can get really confusing.

In the blog entry I linked, it’s mentioned that all submissives are high-maintenance. When I read the entry it seemed to come across as though the submissive is so greedy for attention that the dynamic is based on what she wants and desires. And not really about submitting to the will of the dominant. The dictionary definition fits me better then what seems to be the accepted or premise of the definition of submsisvie in the link.

Submissive:
adjective: willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent
adjective: inclined or willing to submit to orders
or wishes of others or showing such inclination
adjective: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a
slave or servant

In addition to the high-maintenance claim submissives are also greedy for attention, don’t want to be ignored and are needy. I know several who identify as being submissive would prefer that their service be totally invisible and not acknowledged that they are even there - and that is their life - ignored. Personally, I don't like being ignored - well scratch that sometimes it does make me hot - but really in the end for me if it is Master desire to ignore me well then I am here to do what he wants....bend to his will. And there have been times I wanted more attention and every time I just remind myself of my position in his household. Pouting, sulking, demanding attention won't get me anywhere and will probably get me ignored for a very long time. It’s a disservice to Master for behaving in such a way and contradicts what being a submissive means to me.

Years and years ago I got caught up in the "group think" of what I should do or want as a submissive. (“Group think” is like a group mindset that basically dictates you’re supposed to feel this way or that way in order to be a submissive.) I got so wrapped up in “group think” that I felt like I had to be in that mindset all the time or I wasn’t submissive. I even had a whole laundry list of things I wanted so that I would have active dominance and "feel" submissive.

“Feeling submissive?” A friend and I once discussed about what it was like to "feel" submissive. My friend didn't understand it. She was a slave and she asked me what that meant to feel submissive or get a submissive feeling by doing something. To me feeling submissive is feeling the desire to submit…feeling demure, gooey happy type feelings that usually come after receiving active domination. I described “feeling submissive” to my friend and she said she didn't feel that way. At the time I felt kind of sorry for her, but now in retrospect, I realize that I’m feeling the same way. Master's active dominance over me doesn't make me feel submissive. It just...is. And I am here to obey, submit, and bend to whatever he wishes. That’s my life. It is about serving and obeying. Now I need to add that I’m not unhappy about that at all, in fact I’m very happy my life has gotten to this point.

Sometime ago at a meeting for submissives everyone had to go around and give examples that made them feel submissive. I really couldn't think of anything, so I said, “I don’t feel submissive by doing things.” I am thankful the leader of the group got it, but the rest of the group just looked at me in disbelief. I heard what others were saying, but I simply don't feel submissive serving Master a cup of coffee or kneeling at his feet. My station in his life isn't about feeling the desire to submit from kneeling at his feet, it is about serving his desires...and if kneeling at his feet is what he desires then it is my duty to kneel at his feet. Period.

Some submissives turn to the active domination as a source of their submission. An example used in the blog entry mentioned how the dominant told the submissive to paint their toenails red. In the blog entry that active order makes the submissive feel good, because they were getting active attention. I don’t fault the mindset and if it works for them, then fine. But for me though if Master tells me to paint my toenails red - I will go do it because I have to. I am his slave. If he has to "order" me to do stuff just to make me "feel" submissive or to give me attention I know I would pack in a whole bunch of guilt because I wouldn’t be enhancing his life as it would feel like I was creating a burden onto him. And for me - he would be serving me instead of me serving him.

The blog entry might work for some people – and I respect that. I just can’t find much common ground that I can relate to as my life is today. As mentioned in the disclaimer, we’re all unique in our paths and directions. There’s no right way or wrong way, there’s just each of our own separate ways.