Going 24/7...

This entry might be a little raw....I don't have time to reread it and see if it even makes sense.

Master has been counting down the days....he has 6 working days (final day probably will just be packing up his office - so only a partial day). Things have really gotten screwed up with the party. I actually feel like I am more upset about it then Master is so I guess I should just let it go.

And of course in these last 2 final weeks I feel like all the things I have been avoiding thinking about are right upfront. To top it off...I incredibly busy this week so really don't need all these extra thoughts rolling around and then also I am pmsing so I am taking things very personally and overly sensitive about everything.

Everyone always asks us if we are scared....about opening our own business. A month ago even 2 months ago I was excited - 6 months ago I was scared - this week I am scared again. I am excited too.

One of the things that I have been avoiding thinking about it spending 24 hours a day with Master. I love Master dearly. I love being his slave. And I love when we do have all day together. But usually it is only 2 or 3 days at time. That is going to change come August 1 though.

I am a service oriented slave. When Master is home, I am always thinking about what's next - what needs to be done for him, what does he need, and know that if I am in the middle of painting or doing something I enjoy - and he needs me to do something I drop it - and am there. During the work week I am doing my housework, cooking and other things in service to him but I know he is at work and I don't have to be as proactive in worrying about what he needs because he isn't here. And if he needs me to do something for him while he is at work he will call. It is a nice balance going from the weekends of that never ending what's next thoughts to just doing my chores and other things in service to him without having to think so much. It makes it feel like I don't have to ALWAYS be on.

Come August 1 though he will be here 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And so although I have been in service to him before August 1 - the dynamic will change once he is here 24/7. I won't have personal time. I won't have that time where I can just do my chores kind of mindlessly. I won't have that time to turn things off for a bit and relax. And I am worry about that. I am worry if that means I am not a good slave for not being able to be on 24/7. I am worrying that I will fail him more. I am worry that I will fight more now that he is here 24/7. I am worrying about all these little things that I went through when I was first here so I shouldn't be going through them again.