Just a few little pieces...these were before I was with Master..."I look at the bruises on my breasts right now and don't like the way they look for some reason...and yet I want more. I want to suffer for him. I want to see him satisfied in making me suffer...and that need grows. I don't want pain for pain sake. I don't want pain for pleasure. I want pain to suffer for him.....he was harsh on me with the implements and he said things to me to bring me to that nothing state. I was dripping wet. But mentally I was not turned on like I usually am...maybe I was but not in the state that is recognizable or familiar to me."
The person I am talking about in these posts...was extremely sadistic. I think of the times with him and I have shivers of fear run through me. And at the same time I get wet and feel those urges...from the deep dark just push their way up a bit.
More words about him from my journals...
"My cunt is swollen from the kicking and punching yesterday. I feel it throb and what am I thinking of? Him...his cock...wanting to suck it and want to feel it rub over my face. I want to suck on it slowly...just enjoying him. But that won't happen because I want it.
My cunt had been throbbing last week with need to be touched and fucked...and now...he showed me what real throbbing is like...it hurts today. It hurts to close my legs all way together. The thought of putting a vibrator and masturbating right now is one of the last things I would want to do as the pain would be to much.
He asked me why I get so wet...he used a few more descriptive degrading words in that question. And really I don't think I have ever gotten so wet with anyone. I mean I got in the car yesterday and I felt the moistness just seep out between my labia lips so by the time we were alone...at his place I as soaking. If someone had been with us in the room they could have smelled how turned on I was because he did....he told me I smelled like a whore.
I wanted to beg him to do exactly what he did...yesterday....again. I wanted to him to hurt me. I wanted to feel my cunt throb. I wanted him to show me who I am...under that darkness...I want him to show me who I am just like he did. I wanted to beg him so he knew how much I wanted what he does to me. I needed him to do what he did. And yet I fought it while he did it although I craved it.
I crave and want to beg for the things he does to me....the things that make me suffer, cry, leave me batter and broken, leave me stripped to the very core - naked and looking at all the things I never thought I would see again. He sees it all and still wants to hurt me and make me suffer. That makes me feel warm."
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