Nick's job, Someone Like You, job options

Music: Empire Records Soundtrack

I just woke up from a nightmare. So up surfing the net. Right now is the first time I have spent this amount of time online in almost 3 weeks. Starring at the computer screen for very long has been making me feel nauseous. So, I have not been online a lot while sick. I am still really having problems breathing and still coughing a lot but my ear infections are gone. And I do not feel so achy and such.

I talked to Nick the other night and he had read my journal (the first time in a long time) and he told me I could say what he is going to do for work now. He is going to join the police academy to become a police officer. I had not posted it because I had not checked with him on it and on those things I like to check with him. He has always been very good about what I post in my journal though. He wants me to write what I feel and think and not censor myself. It was one thing that attracted him to me - is that I am very open and real.

Tuesday night I watched a movie Someone Like You - with Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman (yummmmmyyyy) and Greg Kinnear. The summery on Internet Movie Database about this movie to me is not what the movie is about. That movie was not spectacular and had some things that I did not like but it is something I would probably watch again. Anyway, there were a few parts in the movie that I affected me more then I really wanted it too. It actually reminded me of myself, Todd and Nick (not that it similar to the things going on but the underlying message is what I related too).

I meet Nick a few days after I found out Todd had left town. And so he has had to deal with a lot of my grieving process. He knows I am not over Todd. He knows I need some questions answered and to do something I have wanted to do since….hmmm July I guess. He has comforted me a few times when I have cried over Todd. I have been very thankful to have him in my life to help me through this.

One of the things that I have had happen in my past is that - several of the men in my life can't handle my tears. All sorts of things happen and make them not handle it well at all. I usually in the past had to suck all my feelings in and turn the tears off and end up being there for them. But Nick always is there and never runs away from me when I am hysterical, sick, sad, neurotic, paranoid, mushy, pmsing...and so on. And I pray lots that when I meet him in person it will be the same.

Since I am in limbo about what to do for work and Nick is ending his one job and then not sure when he will be starting at the academy.....us working a time to see each other looks like it is going to be a fun task (NOT!). He is very much it will happen when it happens and there is no rush as we have the rest of our lives. He is just too casual about it at times for me. It was 8 months yesterday that we met online. I have a friend that was friends with her fiancé 2 years before they even met in person. I hope it is not 2 years before I meet Nick lol

I actually discussed with Kam moving today. Moving to a new town and starting over. He wondered if I was thinking of moving to Arizona, but I am not. And I know that surprised him. It is something that probably will not happen but has crossed my mind a few times.

I have some other options that keep me in the same industry just not doing the same thing. And so when I am feeling better next week I am going to start researching those options. I am sure Nick is not going to be totally thrilled with the work options I am thinking about....but right now it seems like a good thing for me to keep in the same industry since I miss it and liked so many people in the community.

This week could have been busy for me if I would have been feeling better. The Les group is meeting on Thursday and I still too sick to go. And then Friday there is a party and Saturday there is a new BDSM meeting starting (but not sure I like the people who are organizing it but I have not confirmed it is the person I think it is) and then there is a fem sub meeting and then Sunday I have meeting for planning committee (PC). The only thing I am hoping at this time to go to is the PC meeting. The other things I am pretty much going to have to miss :(

Well I am going to try to go back to sleep......

Good night....

peace,
danae