I hope to be posting a lot in the next couple of days. I have like 3 handwritten journal entries I want to post.
I am just starting to feel a little better. I am still coughing, but not as much. Asthma attacks down from 3 to 4 a day to 1 a day. Only ache about 2 hours a day and feel absolutely miserable about the same amount of time where I am so stuffy and can't breathe and just don't want to move. So doing much better :) I hope to be able to go the PC meeting on Sunday. *crossing fingers* And back to a more normal schedule next week. Or at least a few days at least so that I don't over do and get sick again which can happen easily with pneumonia.
I miss talking to all my friends real life and online. I have been thinking about Moni lots as she has her wedding coming up and she must be going crazy. I remember when I was getting married those final weeks were crazy. I had so many asthma attacks because I was so stressed then. The 2 days before my wedding I had to go get blood taken - they wanted to switch meds and wanted blood drawn. Anyway, one nurse tried and could not find a vein after sticking me 3 times. After the 3rd time the girl was like "Oh no it is your wedding is in 2 days - is your dress long sleeved?!" Nice of her to think of that then. It was long sleeved though and when she stuck me the first time I thought that...that I was lucky it was long sleeved as I bruise so easy when having blood taken. When the nurse realized that it was my wedding in 2 days and had stuck me 3 times - she decided she did not want to stick me a 4th time and so she sent me to the hospital lab next door because they were more experienced with drawing blood.
I can tell I am feeling better this last week because 1) my appetite for food is coming back. And 2) my sexual appetite is back too.
While I have been sick I have not hardly ate because nothing tasted good. And because it just was too much work to eat - because I was so weak. I have made sure I ate because I had to with some of the meds I am taking. But I have eaten little things like bagels, turkey sandwiches, Swiss cheese and crackers, soup, pasta, and rice. But I had been craving chocolate this week, which is maybe just pms. Something while I have been sick....I have been spotting some each day. Something I have not been thrilled about but something I could not worry about because the pneumonia was more of a problem for me at that time.
The second thing that has come back to me is my sexual appetite. I have been very turned on this last week and want sex and even had to break down and masturbate a few times. lol I have decided my oldest vibrator is my favorite. It is just a hard plastic silver vibrator and it is the most powerful lol
I have noticed something that I do when I masturbate lately...for the last 2 months I guess.....I don't think about anything. I just feel the vibrator on my clit and don't think about any fantasy. And that has been very unusual for me. In my past the only reason I would masturbate is because I was thinking about some fantasy that got me so hot that I could not stand it and had to have an orgasm. But lately I have just wanted to feel the sensations and orgasm and not thought about anything. It has been nice. It is just me and it is nice. My orgasms have been very intense....they are almost more mental then physical. They are definitely physical but there is this mental thing that goes on that I can't even explain. Okay, like I have had a mental orgasm a few times before I had the physical one. At first I was mad and then I was like it was good it felt good and I feel satisfied so why am does it matter.
I have been craving to be f**ked....hard. And thought about talking to Nick to see how he feel about me calling one of the many male friends I have that would f**k me if I want.
The other day when I wrote Nick the email about Affirmative Action he wrote me back...his first line said that he knew my jaw must be hanging open because he actually sent an email answer back. When it is things that he can ramble about he does not write out because it is easier then having to type out all those thoughts. A lot of what he had to say in the email made sense to me and I agreed.
Well, I am off to bed.....
Good night...
peace,
danae
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