Music: 80's music
Mood: in pain - not good pain
Topics: The Practice, Buffy, Life update, Verbal Humiliation
Well first I am going to talk about TV...not only Buffy but The Practice as well...
Monday I was watching The Practice with Moni and Michael. And I don’t watch the show regularly but I have seen it...but probably about 2 years ago...so I know the main characters and some of their views but not what is current with the show. So anyway...one of the story lines was about Eleanor (Camryn Manheim) had an appeal in to get a woman who was mentally ill taken off death row and have her stay of execution lifted.
The story line was that while she was that she killed 2 little boys but that she did not have a trail where her mental illness came to light. But while in prison it came out she has schizophrenia and she was then treated. The meds she was on helped her mental illness and according to the state made her “sane.“ Sane enough to execute. But when she was off the meds she was insane and so they could not execute her. So, she tried to live with voices in her head and being out of control so that she would not be killed. She could not do it. And as soon as she went back on the meds...she was up for execution again because she was sane. Ugghhh how logical is that?
Just because a person has cancer and is being “treated” for cancer does not mean they still don’t have cancer. Just because this character is mentally ill does not mean meds make her not mentally ill. The illness is still there - she was just being treated.
Anyway the whole storyline annoyed me lol
Next topic Buffy...
The title of the episode got my attention... Dirty Girls
I like that Faith is back. I liked the energy – sexual tension between her and Spike. I think they would make a great pair; I would love to be a voyeur on them. And just sit back and watch and well end up masturbating I am sure as it would be rough and hot! LOL But who would be on top? *grins*
Xander’s speech to the slayers in training was good and even better was Faith saying something like, “B, I never knew you were so cool.” And Buffy coming back with something like, “You always were a little behind.” They had a good tension going between them. Xander giving the speech to the girls and then getting hurt by The Preacher was very...to me...Joss typical.
I liked The Preacher... I mean obviously he is big and bad but he was a cool big and bad. I am sorry throwing this in there when he was calling the girls dirty and slut or whorish can’t remember the right words...He made me wet lol He was cute! :) And the power he had...yummy! lol Okay I am weird...lol
The only thing that I did not like about the episode is... that I am unsure where things are going. I can’t figure out what part The Preacher is playing.
Life update...
I hurt my back... I have been moving some boxes and whittling down more stuff...deciding what stuff comes with me right away and such. So in moving boxes I hurt my back.
I am at Moni’s this weekend. Yesterday, I was suppose to have lunch with an old friend, but because of a miscommunication she went to the wrong place. That is kind of her though lol Oh well, so I hope to at least catch up with her today by phone. I have had lots of old friends writing me now that they have heard I am moving. So, I have been doing dinners and lunches lots this past week and next week I am sure will even be busier.
Tonight is a party and I am glad to see some friends that I might not see before I leave. Carpe Diem this month lands on the Organ Grinder’s Ball so I know I am going to miss out on seeing some friends before I leave due to that being the same night. But I really want to see this Carpe Diem it is on Graceful Service. And that is something that had caught my eye...how to serve Master more graceful would be a plus to me. And I know it is something He would like also.
Last night was catching up with Moni and Katrina and that was really nice to have girl talk. We talked about some of the things He and I have been talking about recently again...poly and playing/sex with others. (Which I might write about a little later.)
I am really really coming home with the reality of not being around my friends and not being able to talk to girlie as much. I am going to miss them lots. The thoughts of not being able to talk to them. Not being able to see them and hang out and talk, do lunch (dinner) and shop and all the other girl stuff is really getting me down.
I love the thoughts He has for us and I want that life very badly...it is just going to be hard to not have girlfriends right there to talk with – laugh with – vent and cry with...:(
I mentioned a while back that I talked to Nick. I did...it was VERY good to talk to him. I really miss our talks so I was glad to catch up with him and hear about things going on in his life. He has had some new things happen and all positive. I asked him about meeting him. I would really like it if he came to Thunder in the Mountains but I know that might be pushing it for him. But it would be really fun to meet him and I think being at an event like that would be a lot of fun for him and good for him too. I hope to talk to him again before I leave. And I hope we remain friends after I am with Master.
Next topic...verbal humiliation...
One of the lists I am on was talking about verbal humiliation…
I love it and what I have found is that humiliation - verbal or physically helps bring me down a few notches and become more aware of my place become more humble and grateful for all that He does for me. It helps me in my service to Him.
They asked on the list if there are any words that were taboo and there used to be I am sure countless words that were taboo to me.
My ex-husband I had a weird relationship right after I moved to Ohio. I would come back to visit and I would stay with him.
One night I was going to go out with a male friend of mine and I came out and I was dressed in a short skirt, thigh highs, and a blouse with a plunging neckline - showing off my DD breasts. I came out slipped on my heels and my husband called me a slut. It was shortly after I moved to Ohio and had not had lots of “verbal humiliation” at this time. So, he called me a slut and I was hurt - my feelings were hurt and I burst into tears and went back to my room and called my friends up and cancelled. It really pisses me off that I let my ex have that kind of power. But I did reclaim it...
Several months after - on my next visit, I came out dressed in a short leather skirt that had a slit on the thigh, a shirt that laced up the front that showed off my skin and breasts, thigh highs and high heels. He said basically said a few things to me and ended up with saying, “You look like a slut.” I turned to him smiled and said, “damn right and damn proud to be one.” I picked up my bag and left to go to a KINK party : )
By that second visit I had figured out that being a slut is not a bad thing. Especially the kind of slut I am...a controlled slut. I love sex. I love to be sexual. I am not promiscuous though. I am slutty for the one I am with and I think He would agree with that point. :)
So back on topic verbal humiliation…some of my favorites words to be called by Him: whore, fuckflesh, dirty cunt, whorish cunt, fat cow, piss slut, bitch in heat, nothing....and of course the list I am sure could go on and on. *blushing*
Well I am going to post this and then finish up the 2nd part of all this journal entry on being selfish, acceptance, and strength. I hope to finish it this morning but you know me lol
Plus I just can’t sit in one place too long right now with my back hurting so badly. :(
