danae

Music: Michelle Branch ~ Spirit Room
Mood: Turned-On

I know I probably have lots to write about - but at the moment not much is coming too me lol I think it is lack of sleep.

Oh….I remember something….

He never tells me what I can and can’t put in this journal. But I also know there are a few things I could write about that would please Him…

Okay stating this right now….my disclaimer….for me….I have not posted this yet because it will embarrass me to no end!

But I like humiliation right? Right? Right? lol

A few weeks ago we had been chatting on and off all day. He had been teasing me and turning me on. He knew my panties were soaking wet. And then told me that later He had plans for me. The day wore on and I could smell my arousal. He, also at a certain time, stopped letting me to the restroom. Then the time came where He told me to put down some plastic, a towel and then had me piss myself. It took some time but soon I felt the warm piss soak me. My panties and the towel under me were soaking from the piss. I sat for a moment making sure my panties were thoroughly soaked with my piss. Now they not only were wet with my arousal but now my piss. He then had me take my panties off and put them on my head making sure the crotch was at mouth level. It was degrading and humiliating and it turned me on. He then had me masturbate with my favorite vibrator and suck on the piss soaked crotch of my panties. I of course came very hard and squirted too. Good thing the towel was under me lol

The next day He had me go get the panties from my dirty clothesbasket and he had me stuff them in my mouth as He had me masturbate with my fingers. I came a few times.

It was then revealed to me that each time I cum while here….meant 1 night away from Him when I first get home. And He had been counting since the 21st of March. So, by that time with those included from that session…I was up to 7 nights. So my first 7 nights are going to be spent in the cage…not able to reach out and touch Him during the night : (

The only orgasms right now I can have, that don’t give me another night, is if I cum with pain.

He has been in a really sadistic mood lately too. Not that He is not normally though, but with me being here right now and Him at home in Colorado….I thought my days of torture would kind of be suspended until I got home. But - Oh No - He still finds ways to humiliate, degrade and torture me.

He had me do something I have never done before. He has me rub pepper…grounded black pepper on my clit. OMG the burn…it lasts a long time too! And not just washing it off stops it. I had to take a shower and still had a little bit of burning : ) I have used bengay, breath drops, and mouthwash similarly, but the pepper has seemed to last the longest of them.

The last two nights He has tortured me through pepper, mouthwash, clothespins, and anal plug. The pain is very intense with the pepper on Sunday and then the mouthwash last night that is hard for me to cum when using a vibrator. I am not sure I can explain….

It hurts so much that cumming is not the thing on my mind lol

I have been in situations where I do cum from the pain, but when doing this stuff to myself, even for His pleasure, it is hard for me to make myself cum. Last night I had to force the orgasms. I can cum on command, but they are not as intense orgasms. He did not care….He just wanted to torture me and make me cum from the pain. I have a fear that the only orgasms ever are going to be from pain. And yet at the same time that is a fear….it turns me on and makes me want to masturbate with the thought.

I wrote above about playing with myself with my fingers. I do not do that. It is something I have never liked. I had a hang up - I think from my past about it. And since being with Him….not sure why but there has been times where He makes me *need* and *want* to touch. I just feel like I am going to go crazy if I don’t. I feel the need to rub hard…claw at my cunt. And other times the need is to just touch….sliding my fingers up and down my wet smooth cunt. It is very erotic either way! And I don’t get why I am able to play with myself with my fingers. It still at times is a challenge. Last night He had me play with my fingers and I could not stay wet…and that has been common in the past…I would get that little trigger go off in my head and say this does not turn you on and then I would dry up. : ( And last night that happened, but I just took out my Vagisil Intimate Moisturizer. It feels like the same consistency as my wetness.

As soon as I got on the phone with Him though and heard His voice that was not needed LOL Last night He described scenes at Thunder and it was very mean and sadistic! But omg it turned me on. It is so frustrating that my body reacts to things I don’t want it too….but it has been that way forever.

How is it that I start a post with nothing to write about and now I am 2 pages into a word document at size 10-font….LOL

Yesterday I did something that I was hoping that He would not mind. I wanted to surprise Him, but was a little worried He might not like it or like that I did not ask. But it ended up being very good! I go to the Internal Enslavement site a lot. It shares a lot of my beliefs on slavery and enslavement. Anyway, a long time ago I noticed on another site of theirs they had a slave register. And so, I registered and then I filled out the ownership certificate and presented it to Him online….

He was touched….I left Him speechless for quite some time and if anyone knows my Master that is a hard feat *smiles* I am glad He was moved by it. It is something I have always wanted to do and never been able too. And I am very happy that it is with Master! I love Him very much and know that He owns me differently then I have ever been owned before. I strive for more...with Him...for Us.

This morning I meditated….

What I do when I meditate is I sit sometimes with new age/soundscape music or just in silence. This morning was in silence. And I sit and just stare at a space on the wall…blank space. I sit with hands usually palm down on my thighs....sitting on my bottom…and become very conscious of my breathing. My eyes close usually as I go “into” the breathing.

It is then like I step outside my body and open my head….

Okay I know this sounds weird…but in my minds eye I see myself stepping out of my body…and I open my head. I pick up something look at it and either throw it away or put it back saying save for later and then eventually something comes out…that is BIG….and it takes my focus. Questions, thoughts, feelings associated with it come out too but calmly - and focused. Sometimes more then one thing comes out, but there is still usually one that takes more of the meditation time.

When I first started meditating, I just concentrated on my breathing and it would slow everything down and I would just do that for a while. When I stopped, I would feel calmer. I am not sure when the part started happening, but it did. And I have found it to be very useful in my life when I feel very overwhelmed with things.

It does not always happen like that…where one thing is focused on. But most of the time lately it is that way.

So this morning while I meditated…work things came up, then Daddy/little girl things came up too. And one other thing and I can’t remember it…which surprises me, but a lot of time what happens - it might be something I am trying to deal with and I get it worked out through my meditation and then let it go. And forget about it.

I have had something coming up in dreams and meditation a lot lately….that I don’t think is going to go away for a little bit….it feels unresolved. I chatted with Him about it yesterday. And He said we will discuss it.

Next….

I went to the Rodin exhibit with Moni on Sunday it was very good.

I have never seen so many of His all in one place. I have seen exhibits from different foundations that have a few of his works but never just a collection of strictly his sculptures. Some of my favorites….

The Benedictions - It is one that I came to years ago *blushing* It is of 2 angles together…..that almost become one to me.

Danaid - I have a print of the daughters of King Danaos. The King had his fifty daughters marry 50 sons of his brother and then kill the bridegrooms. One of the 50 did not. But they were condemned to the underworld pouring water forever. The print I have is of 3 of the sister at a welling getting water in big jugs. This Daniad….is….down crying….as her broken jug…streaming with water.

Metamorphoses of Ovid - This is the only picture I could find, but I am sure there has to be another out there somewhere.

Fugitive Love - love slipping away.

The Call to Arms - It was commissioned for a monument but rejected, as it did not show things “pretty.”

I know there are a few more I am forgetting right now. Hmm…

Well, I left this to go make dinner…and came back to Him online….and the teasing has started again. He started before dinner. He has me go the bathroom…but piss on myself again. And so then I had to gag myself with my panties again and masturbate. He allowed me orgasm with pain again also. And now I sit here with a big dildo shoved up my cunt. I was allowed to have 3 orgasms with mouthwash smeared on my cunt.

He has been very sadistic and sexual with me lately. And I am not complaining, I am a very sexual person. This week…sexually my energy is running fast and I wish I was there and He was fucking me hard. Ohhh mmmmm *blushing*

I am ending this blog kind of suddenly…

But having a serious conversation with Him….

I guess the blog is good…started with sex…ended with sex….and meditation and Rodin in the middle…what more does a girl need? *grin*

*frown* To be at home with Him.

There is an image on the www.good-n-kinky.com site that says…”Let the beauty we love be what we do.” Nice huh? :)