danae

Music: Evanescence, Greenwheel, The Used, and Coldplay
Mood: feeling good!
Topic: life update, 24/7, The Secretary

I am going to be going to do some things…well try…still have back problems but I need to get laundry done…and I need to go through things really badly.

I am going to have a busy next few days again. I am going to be out of touch mostly. I will probably not have any journal entries until Saturday or Sunday.

Saturday is my last Carpe Diem meeting. I wrote a letter yesterday thanking the community for all they have given me over the past 5 years. This community is a really good community and where Master is there is no community, so I am going to have a lot of adjusting to do again.

Between Moni, Lisa and myself - we should go through a box of Kleenex. I bought a brand new box to bring with me on Saturday…I am not kidding!

The other day He wrote in His journal about having a locking gag on me while at work. How realistic that is…I am not sure yet. But I know I will be finding out *blushing* I know that the bondage I was in 20+ hours a day will be stepped up a few notches upon arriving back home. I know that they will be locked on me more and only let out to take a shower in the morning before He leaves for work and then locked right back on. So more like 23 ½ hours a day I will be in bondage. And they will now be locked on all day. Where before they were only locked on at night. It is a scary thought but also very comforting. I remember the feelings right when I got back….the reactions to not being locked up….to no being confined and restricted. It was BAD. I hate thinking about it.

He also wrote in journal about playing a pc game for 5 hours. I know there will be days that I am in reading a book while Master is on the computer playing a game. Or playing with his hmm play station (?) not sure which kind of things it is…but I do know it plays DVDs too. Anyway, I know there will be days when he is off doing his thing and He gives me time to relax - read, draw and what not. Does that mean I am not still in bondage? Probably highly unlikely that I will be free of bondage. Does that mean we are more relaxed? Yes, probably so. We are in a pretty high level of protocol all the time. And so yes sometimes we will need to relax it but that does not mean we turn it off. He is still my Master and in the middle of playing Command and Conquer - He could tell His slave to get down on her knees and give Him a blow job (this girl is wishing for that one a lot!) or get down on her knees and scrub the kitchen floor…while he relaxes.

Life might interfere with the BDSM but it never interferes with the power exchange…that is there constant…even when we are relaxed it is still there.

I guess that is where people don’t get what we do…they think D/s has to be turned off. Really our BDSM does not get turned off much either but I do suspect it will at times. But even when Master was sick I still was in bondage 20+ hours. He tortured me almost every night still. He still had His pet kneel before Him. We still had all the things He expects from me going on - I still had to ask permission to leave the room, I still had to ask permission to go to the restroom, I still had to had to sit on the floor, I still watched to make sure His drink was filled, I still made certain He was comfortable and had all He needed. We still were Master/slave.

We are real people…living a Master/slave relationship 24/7. We laugh and joke around. We have responsibilities to our daily life. We are serious and passionate. We are Master and slave. We love each other, but our love has grown from a foundation of Master and slave not boyfriend/girlfriend. And so that foundation of the power exchange will remain there.

Next topic - The Secretary…

The first time I saw it. I was not happy with it. I walked away going that is D/s….that is not what we do. I walked away going great people think we are all crazy. I walked away going it was kind of boring.

But the intention of the movie was look at the mental and emotional aspects behind Dominance and submission of two kinky people not a Master/slave couple.

And that it does a fairly good job of doing. It did not show that things done were cold, dark, and traumatic. It showed them in a favorable light…it turned them both on. It showed that they were titillated. It also showed that this enhanced/improved their lives. The Secretary started having a better handle on her issues.

She has a problem and in the movie I feel - when people are viewing it the first time will see her problem and say that is what made her get into BDSM. Even though the BDSM helped her problem. I just don’t think that is made clear. I wish they would have made her a normal everyday vanilla person - that discovers this and does have an improved life but I wish they had left out her problem.

I think they did a good job of depicting how D/s helped that problem, but still I feel it gives a message that people have problems and that is why they get in that lifestyle.

I have seen it on DVD a few times now and like it more and more. I see subtle nuances of their relationship that I did not see the first time. And unfortunately the mainstream public most likely won’t see it more then once so they probably will not catch that.

I do think they showed the strength in her because of the D/s. After he broke things off with her. She was sad but then moved on and dated and tried it with others. She did not go back to her old ways of handling problems either. So, again another aspect I found very positive.

I liked that he struggled with his Dominance and then sees after the desk scene that it is “okay” to do this…all the time. That there is nothing wrong with him or her.

I wish they would have developed how they got to some of the places in their D/s relationship more, but again for a first time attempt at this for mainstream it was really probably best to just let it go how it did.

The first time I saw the movie and then each time I have seen it since….

My favorite part is of her at the desk…showing her devotion….showing she will bend to him. I loved it showing everyone trying to convince her to move. And she knows…who she is and won’t move. She knows who he is to her and won’t move. *smiles*

The part that made me the most uncomfortable was him washing her and taking care of her. It made me tense up. It was too intimate for me I am sure.

Oh on thing I hated also is she topped from the bottom so damn much! And I don’t want people to think that D/s is about manipulation.

I have been writing and writing and writing this morning…but only going to post to here. I have 3 pages on poly coming though but I am not done and need to go get some things done today.