danae

Because He loves me…

Monday I had to deal with some flashbacks. Flashbacks with my Uncle. Not a fine time to be adding to my stress level…

I tried to meditate. I tried to journal. I tried to just go to sleep and ignore it. But none of the above worked.

I did not tell Master about the flashbacks. (Which was a mistake that won’t be happening again) I don’t like talking about them. I guess part of me feels if I don’t talk about them - they will go away, right? So, I just try to cope by accepting it is my life as much as it is…I get my 4am nightmares and it is just there.

But then things pop up that and create issues…that make it hard to ignore my past.

That will be changing. He does not find that acceptable. He does not find it acceptable that I have a nightmare every night at 4am. He does not find it acceptable that I am scared of thunderstorms. He does not find it acceptable that I have some issues with spankings. He does not find it acceptable that I don’t like to be touched…intimately. He does not find all the rest of the things that are issues due to my uncle acceptable and He feels when I am there with Him…it is now time to deal with them.

And why? Because He loves me. That was His reason. I have never had anyone tell me that before. They all found all those things unacceptable like He did but no told me it was because they loved me and did not want me going through the pain it causes me. They just wanted me to deal with it…to get over it.

But He wants me to deal with it because He loves me and sees what it is doing to me.

I cried. I cried so hard when He said that.

I am a very lucky girl to have someone so understanding, supportive and loving.

He loves me. And I love Him.