Freedom.....

Life has been really busy the last few days. Master is getting ready to go out of town for possibly 3 weeks but maybe 2. He might not even be home on weekends. I have been in denial about it until today and had a melt down.

This is the longest we will have been apart since I moved here. The longest being 5 days...and that was long to both of us (edit: might have done a 7 days shortly have I moved here for girlie's wedding.) Next I am teaching a class on Monday and I am not a public speaker. Master encouraged me to do it - and all his reasons were very good points but at the time we thought he would be in town so could be there to support and help if needed. But now he won't be there. So I am freaking about doing that on my own.

To add to all this I don't do anything without Master. If we need milk or bread, I tell him what we are low on and he then decides when we will go pick those things up. And then we both go. If I need a hair cut or to go to the doctor or whatever, I request and he decides if and when and then we go to together. I hardly ever drive. So I will be driving by myself around town while he is gone, I will be alone and I will be making decisions. It isn't that I can't do those things I am quite capable but I am not used to it. Isolation has its fun aspects and also not so fun aspects. And one of those not so fun aspects is now I get more nervous doing these things alone. As I said I can. Such as today, Master took me out driving to make sure I could get to where I am teaching my class and my doctors because those are 2 places I haven't drove to before and I did fine. I just am not looking forward to do it all by myself next week.

It is going to be very odd for me. This last year he has worked from home so he knew where I was and what I was doing 24/7. And now....he will be 4 hours away. Most of the time he is gone I don't have a car available but this time I will and it is just like there is a alarm going off in my head - you know those exits that say do not go out of this door or alarm will go off...I am going out that door this next week and alarms are going off. I don't like it.