Wednesday, August 29, 2007

SM during my Period?

This is talking about my period....and erotic and SM thoughts with it too but will contain talk of blood.

I had my period a few weeks ago. One day during it I was standing in the bathroom ready to get in the shower so naked. Master came in to tell me something and we chatted about it for just a few minutes. He then looked me up and down and at the floor...there was a puddle of blood on the floor and blood running down my legs. Master had that look on his face....that look of a sadist thinking wicked thoughts. My mind didn't catch up at that time as I just was fed up with my period so I actually didn't notice/recall his reaction until a few days later. It just is that after a few heavy days of bleeding I am ready for it to be done - especially since mine usually come with migraines and severe cramping so it took a while for my brain to say "hey Master was turned on by that." But to tell the truth playing - SM type of play - with my period didn't sound even though I could picture that glint in Master's eye did't mean I would be happy if we did play.....that is how it started at least...

Since that moment of realizing it turned him well with all things I of course start thinking about it....and thinking about it...and thinking about it. Just like when my friend mentioned shaving my head. At first I was horrified and then it turned me on and I thought about it all the time.

And the same has come with my period.

I don't mind sex during my period. But at times I have old baggage comes up making me "feel bad." My ex-husband couldn't stand the sight of blood. He barely gave me hugs or kisses during the week of my period. No snuggling usually and probably would have liked to sleep separately during it. He had no problem being in the bathroom with me the other 3 weeks of the month but during my period he stayed away. Yet he would take blow jobs everyday. He would put a porn in the vcr (before dvd players), sit on the couch and call me to him. I would kneel before him giving him a blow job while he watched porn. And I was pushed away after he came. He didn't touch me during the blow job. Oh occasionally he would tit fuck me. But most of the time he had me just give him a blow job fully dressed. So.....after that.....I have had a few hang ups about my period and sex.

Most of the other men I have been involved with have not had a problem having sex during my period. And when it is not in its heavy phase I like it too...during my heavy bleeding it just hurts too much...not a good pain. But during the first few days or last couple feels very good. And usually during my period I am horny so I really wanting to be fucked.

Master knows that I have had past problems with sex during my period because of my ex-husband so at times he sees that look in my face and my body tense when he uses me during that time of the month. It bothers him that my ex made me feel so bad about it and he at times just backs away during that time of the month. And I then of course feel guilty.

But on the occasion that I was standing in the bathroom he didn't hid his desire. Looking at his face was clear he was thinking very sadistic thoughts. I don't know those thoughts for sure because well I didn't catch on until later and by that time...well he has been out of town so just never brought it up. (Probably will be discussing it after he reads this post though huh?) But since catching on...and since he has been gone I have been masturbating quite a bit so one day my thoughts when to...him using and abusing me during my period.

My thoughts range from just being fucked hard and having blood all over him and me after. To more kind of darker object kind of fantasies yet I do wonder how those fantasies would make me feel considering when I was with my ex - it was like I was an object during my period. The thoughts are of heavy sm - bruises from punching & being kicked, constant welts and cuts from being caned so much, hood (and in this form it aligns with Master's view of a hood more then mine*), hobbled or even more so all the chains that connect from wrists to collar to waist to ankles - making it harder to move, naked (and yes I mean naked), stuck in the closet for long periods of time, not allow a shower (normally I shower at times 2 times a day during my period) and eating out of the dog dish and at time only being allowed to eat once day. I think every dark thought I have ever had has popped into my head these last 2 weeks while masturbating but it all centers around use and abuse during my period.

Now again...reality....what would the emotional and physical affects of being used so hard during my period? That of course is the rub for me and that usually stops me from vocalizing many thoughts that go through my head. But the thoughts are there and very strong intense images that hang on all day long....making me wet and that deep craving at the core isn't keeping very quiet now.

(* the hood is normally a very safe place that sends me into a nice just blackness that makes me float....Master likes hoods because he looks and sees and object or his "thing" without identity. I am purely his property in that moment with no name or use outside of what he wants to do to me. Blog entry on hoods includes pictures of me in a few hoods.)

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