Thursday, August 30, 2007
Oh yes...more on titles and honorifcs
Recently there was a discussion on titles and honorific over at kaya's journal...there were several posts...(1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6)
I have an essay on our website about this subject - it was in response to really thinking about why and when I use them. And then I also wrote about it in my blog - but it also goes into how I feel when someone else calls Master by a title and when someone other then Master calls me by a "pet" name.
But here are a few of my comments over on kaya's journal...edited slightly for wordiness and clarification...
My standing order: If I feel compelled to call someone Sir or Ma`am...ask that dominant if it is okay to address them by an honorific. Master doesn't like me to assume to know what a dominant wants or prefers.
Being polite is just good manners...dom, sub, vanilla...to a stranger or to family or friends. But I also don't feel calling someone Sir or Ma`am is more polite or right then calling them by their name. It is how you say it that is polite not the title.
I wasn't raised to say Ma`am or Sir. And so it feels awkward coming out of me so I feel that people would notice that and feel I am being unfriendly or saying it sarcastically because isn't a natural word. But that said I am still be polite without using Sir or Ma`am.
I have been in the public scene quite awhile and I know my view of Sir and Ma`am were colored by those that "insist" on being called Master so and so. And again for me if I feel the title ready to come out naturally I would rather have it come out that way instead of forced because it isn't real to me then. It would feel fake or like a game to me. I also feel calling every dominant for me Sir or Ma`am would make it less special and genuine for those that I really feel it with. It isn't really respect for me either. I can think of a dominant I don't respect. I can't stand what he stands for...but Sir comes out naturally with him. And I asked if I could call him Sir and he was fine with it and so he gets Sir every time I see him even though I don't like him.
I also have been told that by dominants before that they would be offended if I insisted or even presumed to call them by a title. I think it was in Laura Antoniou's workshop at Thunder one year she said that she doesn't like it when others call her Ma`am or Sir without her permission. She said it feels like that person's Dominant is trying to enforce their rules on her. And she doesn't like to be topped without consent. (I am paraphrasing of course as that was several years ago when I heard her speak.)