Recap of Holidailies

So tonight last of Holidailies...I always enjoy Holidailies. I am thankful for Chip and Jette for hosting and doing all the work they have to for it! I like it because it really makes me write but December is crazy and I don't always get to write what I really want to write about...

That said...I do have a few posts this month I liked this past month...

Let It Snow -- talking about the magic of Christmas as a child
The First Ornament on the Tree -- talking about my dog that died this past year...I miss her
Favorite Recipe - my favorite Christmas cookie recipe...they are so yummy!
Lower Than the Cats - hard for me to write and share -- includes photos of me in the cage so again hard to share
Him - about Him
The Gift of Love - my favorite Christmas gift

I don't do resolutions but just try to be a better person, treat people with kindness and respect and try my best in all I do....

I hope everyone has a VERY Happy New Year!

New Years Meme

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I keep having things come to mind because they were scary big things but then I realize that I did them before....it has just been a while. Selling art and taught a class are those things that are coming to mind. But as for doing something I had never done....I suppose shooting film for Master.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make New Years resolutions.....though I did make a goal of reading more this year and I did do that. But over all I just try to become a better person, try hard, treat people with kindness and respect.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES! just a few days ago!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my dog -- we also had several friends that lost loved ones

5. What countries did you visit?
We didn't go outside the US but we did road trips to Minnesota and Louisiana

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Well I didn't lack but I would love to what we have built on this year to just keep growing...in regards to business and our personal relationship...as it was a really good year for both.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Family celebration in July.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Selling art. I am also going to say my depression really stabilized.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not keeping up with my art as much as I would have liked

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Migraines as usual.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
Beauty and the Beast DVD --- was awesome! Master bought that for me! Master buys me a lot great things though but Beauty and the Beast was a great surprise!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Master for just really getting his business

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many politicians but Bush of course is topping my list.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't have money but when I spent money it was at Michael's Arts and Crafts or Amazon for books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Christmas!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
I don't think I really listened to any new music this year. Oh I did listen to Carbon Leaf and Death Cab for Cutie....and enjoyed both!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? We were just discussing that the other night and I don't think we can really say but probably poorer as you know owning a new business money goes into it. And there were a ton of expenses this year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had challenged myself a bit more in my weight and art.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
eating, being quiet when I wanted to say something. I struggle with that constantly.

20. How did spend Christmas?
We spent at Master's family. And then had our own Christmas celebration yesterday and it was GREAT! We had a truly wonderful day!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I did not fall in love with anyone new this year, but I always keep falling in love with Master. And this year was really good.

22. How many one night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar Galactica - we watch quite a bit of tv shows on DVD -- West Wing was my favorite this year. We watched all 7 seasons.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
There are some people who I found out I couldn't trust or that are just people whose ethic match my own. But I do not hate anyone.

25. What was the best book you read?
Oh so many good books....top 5 -- Collage Discovery by Claudine Hellmuth, The Reunion by Laura Antoniou, He said, She said by Marge Percy, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, and Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Death Cab for Cutie is someone I listened to quite a bit this past year

27. What did you want and get?
Just to get closer Master again as 2006 was pretty rough. And 2007 definitely brought us back to us.

28. What did you want and not get?
Just making time for my art....mostly my own fault with my time management

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Assassination of Jesse James was really extraordinary and set apart from the other top movies we saw -- that were still great - like the 3rd Ocean's, Bourne and Pirates movies...all really good!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it in Denver with my parents, Master and Master's parents. We went to the art museum and I turned the big 40!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I am not sure....I guess getting us closer to our financial goals but I know that we will reach it eventually.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
comfortable but girly

33. What kept you sane?
Master, meds, reading

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I prefer people that are actually attainable :)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
um where do I start...the war, global warming, AIDS, world hunger, the pending oil crash.

36. Who do you miss?
My family

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I am not sure I met anyone really new this year. Although she can be a pain sometimes there is an art contact that we made this year that can/could prove interesting.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007?
People who can't accept you for who you are.....aren't really people who you would want in your life anyway. Which should be a duh but it hit a few times this year.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I am not sure at the moment.

The Gift of Love

This morning I woke up seeing the Christmas tree in the living room from our bedroom...all the lights on it were sparkling. And Christmas music just starting to float through the air. It was Christmas! We were out of town with family on the actual Christmas so decided to have our traditional Christmas celebration today. The stockings were packed full, the presents spilling out from under the tree and it really did feel like Santa had visited our house last night.

We opened our stockings first....I pulled out a folded piece of paper...that had me in tears the first line. Master has a way with heartfelt feelings coming through in words. It basically was a reflection of this past year together and just over all our time together that touched me deeply. His words were beautiful and full of love. We may be Master and slave but we are romantics at times too. Today was definitely filled with that romance and love.

I am very grateful for each moment together. As I said in my last post there are moments everyday that make my life truly special. And of all the gifts under the tree that letter will be one I cherish and remember always. Because it is the gift of love. I know I am being all mushy...believe me I am sitting here in tears as I type. I am very blessed and grateful for being a part of His life. And I love you very much Master!

2007 Review

Going through each month of my blog subject/titles to get quick highlights of the year....

January
a death
a wedding
trip to Utah
contact from an old friend
sold a piece of art that really meant a lot to me

February
4 year anniversary with Master
Sent out several Valentine's cookie packages
My sister's came so Master could tape us for a video
zipping through books

March
March was Q&A month for blogging
A friend lost her infant son
Started a round robin with altered book -- but that has kind of stalled now - and really hope eventually I will get my book back as I really liked what I did with it.

April
BDSM Easter Eggs
Wrote about hood and included pictures of myself -- which always wigs me out some
Had a really heavy and great month of SM
Wonderful day trip
Remembering our friend that died in 2006 in April

May
My dog died
Read a really good book by Marge Piercy
Art & Jazz Festival
Bought some really great art
Trip to Denver

June
Painted the deck...which was oh so fun!
My sister sent me old letters my Mom wrote when she was pregnant with me and when had just been born....they were great stories and really such a treasure to have
Leaving for our trip

July
visited the town I grew up in
family celebration that I will remember always
The Mermaid Chair
Goodbye to one of my favorite vibrators
Really starting to feel connected to my tarot deck

August
Celebrating Master's 1 year of owning his own business
Really starting to think about turning 40
Made amazing scones with whole wheat and
Redesigned our website
Contacted by an old friend
Master had to go out of town
I taught a class

September
Out of town with Master
Finished West Wing
Getting ready for a big trip
Heavy art month for me

October
Out of town for a couple weeks
Hair really cut off!
Lots of fun decorating for Halloween
Out of town for my birthday
Master spoiling me like a Princess
Seeing my parents for my birthday
7 years of blogging

November
Wrote an article to be published in March
Project Runway starts! yay! my guilty pleasure
Thanksgiving! Yummy!

December
Master's BIRTHDAY! yay!
Holidailies
Decorating for Christmas!
Post about the magic of Christmas when I was growing up
Baking Baking Baking
Christmas!!
A good friend has her baby! yay! So happy!

Now there were countless times not making the list that were just so special and important to me. There were times of quick afternoon fun with Master. Times snuggled up in bed laughing and talking. Times that just are truly are the moments that make my life special everyday.

Deck the Halls....

Prompt from Holidailies: Tell us about your strangest or most unique holiday decoration.

I think the most unique holiday decorations in our house is the bears all around the bottom of the tree. I started out with the little red flyer wagon from Hallmark and the Teddy Bear Trevor. They were given to me by my ex-husband. And then after that I added a few and he gave me 2 more and a little sled before we parted ways. Another decoration that is unique...I think....is putting the paper garland in the glass cupboards so they show through.

I love to decorate for all holidays but especially for Christmas. When I was married, we had a really cute old house that was fun to decorate inside and out. We never went all out with lots of lights or yard decorations but we did outlined our porch and the pillars on it had lights going around them plus big red bows. I had "fake" potted mini ever green that sat right as you came up on the porch decorated in lights and little silver and red ball ornaments. And then I made a wreath for the door....it was one of those wood vine wreaths that wrapped with plaid ribbons. And then some handmade felt ornaments in different shapes were attached to it. I think the felt ornaments were a mitten, christmas tree, candy cane, a heart with some holly leaves and berries on it...and I think there were 2 more but I can't think of them at the moment. But that was the only outdoor decorations really. It was simple but my ex and I liked it. Master and I discussed our next house -- if we will decorate or not. And we want simple too....white lights and wreath...not much more.

It is my hope when we move that we can have more the one tree too. When I was growing up we had several trees. Two to four depending on how much time my Mom had....one in our entry that was tall skinny and was done in whites lights, ribbon and all angels. And then the one in the family room was done in all the ornaments we made as a kid, paper chain garland mixed with popcorn and berry hand strung garland and LOTS of multi-colored blinking lights. The living room had one that kind of changed over the years....always had lots of different ornaments on it...hallmark to handmade. But light colors changed over the years....one year white...another blue....one kind of a goldish color. And then my Mom did bows on the tree. Then the forth was at the top of the stairs on the landing you could see it from our living room. It was a little mini tree that just had lights and bows on it. So it is my hope to be able to have more then one tree when we get a bigger house.

We are going to celebrate our Christmas Saturday. So right now there are presents under tree and lights sparkling. And I hope to be able to enjoy ALL the Christmas decorations just a little while longer.

Merry Christmas...(a day late)

Well I missed yesterdays post....but we were a little busy with Christmas!

Master and I were at his parents. It was a nice day but a full day of family coming in and out all day. We were up really early because well Santa came! And our cats couldn't wait to open their stockings. All in all it was a good Christmas. A nice time with family and Master.

We will be celebrating our Christmas on Saturday. Opening gifts and having our traditional dinner -- well mostly because we have had a lot of ham the last few days so thinking of doing a pork tenderloin in the place of the meat.

I was able to go shopping this morning. I love after Christmas shopping. The decorations, home decor and paper goods are things I enjoy buying after Christmas so Master took me out and spoiled me. Everything I wanted Master bought me! I am a very lucky girl. I got some little hand towels for the bathrooms, cards, tags, mailing labels, stickers, napkins, napkin rings....AND STOCKINGS! Master and I have been needing new ones. These are a wool - one red one green with our initials on them...very simple but Master and I like them!

After that we hit a few more places plus had breakfast at on of our favorite places over there. We also got a chance to go to World Market. They had 75% off all their Christmas items so I got a few ornaments really cheap.

We are now home. Master looked at the weather and realized tomorrow is suppose to get bad so we came home early. So it has been a long day with shopping and then 4 hours of traveling.

I am exhausted and we have to get up early tomorrow to run errands and get ready to celebrate our Christmas on Saturday.

I hope everyone had a VERY Merry Christmas....filled with happiness and love!

Reading List

So today we went to see The Golden Compass! Although of course not exactly like the book it was still a good movie. CGI great...because the animals were just amazing. It was a nice way to spend Christmas Eve!

As I have mentioned in previous posts I really didn't read much last year as my depression just wouldn't allow me to concentrate enough to get into a book. So I getting back into reading I thought might be hard a set a loose goal of 25 books this year. Well I was thrilled when I went past 25 and now I am past 50. yay! I have enjoyed reading so much....it is a nice way to relax and I read a lot of page turners this year.

My Reading List 2007

1. Collage Discovery by Claudine Hellmuth
2. Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters
3. Danse Macabre by Laurell K. Hamilton
4. The Crimson Petal and The White by Michel Faber
5. Artists' Journals & Sketchbooks by Lynne Perrella
6. Creative Utopia: 12 Ways to Realize Total Creativity
7. The Academy by Laura Antoniou
8. The Reunion by Laura Antoniou
9. Bondage by Patti Davis
10. The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds
11. Kink by Darcey Steinke
12. Suicide Blonde by Kathe Koja
13. The Marketplace by Laura Antoniou
14. The Slave by Laura Antoniou
15. Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coehlo - I really enjoyed the story. This is the first time I really have read one of his books and not felt I learned something after. This was just entertainment. It was a book about prostitution and also had some SM in it too. I found it interesting since I was a prostitute. And well I like SM. :)
16. He, She, It by Marge Percy - EXCELLENT book! If you like anything set in the future - this book was very interesting. If you like history also you will like this book as it does go through Jewish history of 1600 Prague.
17. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
18. Collage Discovery Workshop: Beyond The Unexpected by Claudine Hellmuth
19. My Soul to Keep by Tananarive Due
20. The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
21. Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton
22. Circus of the Damned by Laurell K. Hamilton
23. Lunatic Cafe by Laurell K. Hamilton
24. Bloody Bones by Laurell K. Hamilton
25. Killing Dance by Laurell K. Hamilton
26. Burnt Offerings by Laurell K. Hamilton
27. Blue Moon by Laurell K. Hamilton
28. Obsidian Butterfly by Laurell K. Hamilton
29. Cerulean Sins by Laurell K. Hamilton
30. Incubus Dreams by Laurell K. Hamilton
31. The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kid
32. The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kid - yes again
33. URGENT 2nd CLASS by Nick Bantock
34. Griffin & Sabine by Nick Bantock
35. Sabine's Notebook by Nick Bantock
36. The Golden Mean by Nick Bantock
37. To Love, To Obey, To Serve by Vi Johnson
38. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
39. Bitten by Kelly Armstrong
40. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova --- really good book about Vlad. I really liked reading the letters. I really liked the fear created at the beginning.
41. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
42. The Living Blood by Tananarive Due -- the sequel to number 19. It really didn't grab me like the first book - at first. But about mid-way through then it became a page turner for me.
43. Lucky by Alice Sebold - it is her own story of when she was raped - I am not sure how I feel about it yet
44. Book Arts by Mary Kaye Seckler
45. The Harlequin by Laurell K. Hamilton - yay! I think there was only one sex scene. Some good action. I got lost in some of it - didn't understand the sequences of what was happening at times but in the end I could kind of piece it together. I like where the ardeur went in this book. I like Haven and hope to see more of him in the next book.
46. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
47. Claiming of Beauty
48. Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon
49. Voyager by Diana Gabaldon
50. The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
51. ? There was a book on framing photographs that I read and I can't remember the name at the moment. And I am not at home to go look. So will add that when we get home. But it was good and gave me a lot of ideas.
52. Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon
53. The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman

Update and Traditons

Well probably be quick post as I am out of town and not really a lot of free time.

We had a good day although very long. We are just ready to go to sleep for a few days. We went to bed at 12:30pm and got up at 5:30am. Then it has been a day of celebrating with family. Although very good.....very long.

We had a TON of food. Really I think I am going to suggest a change for next year -- that we all bring less. As really the food could feed all 13 of us for a week I am sure. But it was all great! The mint thins I made were the surprise hit....not that it was surprising really --- the surprise came when I told people how I made them.

Tomorrow we might go see The Golden Compass. yay! I have been wanting to see it so excited when Master suggested it!

There was a prompt that asked what holiday tradition means a lot to you and why...

I mentioned on Friday we went out looking at lights and that is one of my favorite holiday traditions with Master. Really Christmas Eve traditionally is my favorite time/tradition. We have a really nice dinner, wine, at times dance and then go out and look at lights. We come home and just enjoy the time with each other....knowing how blessed we are to be together enjoying this journey. So although we aren't going to be home tomorrow....I know I will look at him throughout the day tomorrow and still reflect, remember, and remind myself how truly blessed I am.

Recap....Update

So in the post the other day Lower Than the Cats....I think some probably felt "how horrible that she feels lower than the cats." Feeling lower than the cats is a good mindfuck that at times is running under the surface, some times it is in my face clearly and other times I don't feel it. It was established early on in our relationship so it just has kind of lasted without it being re-enforced even though sometimes he does like to remind me that I am not free and am property instead of his pet. I am glad he established those feeling early on in our relationship. In its own way it has helped me remind myself of my place and help me keep my mindset.

I feel very tired tonight so probably not making much sense but anyway life is good and really that is all that matters.

+++++

How come it is when we are about to leave town that I get extremely horny? I want to be fucked hard. And of course tonight we are really busy and we will be leaving early tomorrow morning. And then staying with Master's parents for several days --- so no chance of that kind of fun!


+++++

Well we will be leaving tomorrow morning and of course I will be posting from there for holidailies but they will probably be shorter posts.

Just Life....

Doing an update of what is going here...

I talked with my Mom on the phone tonight. It was a long and good conversation. We hadn't talked in a couple of weeks so glad to be able too just chat. She told me I was on the ball this year as they got their present way early and card. I told her I really thought it was because the tree and decorations around the house were up earlier then usual. Most of the time things kind of fall all together...where I am rushing to decorate, shop, do cards and bake all within a short time frame of each other. But this time it was like one thing ended the next started and it wasn't a rush between. Last week was pretty busy but it still wasn't like years past. So I got cards out, did letters with a few of them, got shopping, baking and mailed out packages and this week really I haven't had much Christmas stuff to do. I actually have had a pretty laid back week - and thank goodness for that as I had 2 migraines.

So it has been a very pleasant Christmas season for me. I have been enjoying it thoroughly.

My Mom sounded really tired and that bothered me. It sounds like she really hasn't done her usual Christmas things. She hardly baked. Sounds like she didn't have as many parties this year either. And one she is having on Sunday doesn't sound like she is thrilled about it at all. And if you have read this blog for anytime you know my Mom is the reason I love Christmas. She just made it very magical and fun. So that has me a little concerned. I know some reasons for it but it still made me feel sad.

What else...

Tonight Master and I went out looking at lights! We got some starbucks, turned on XM Holly, sang and went looking at all the pretty lights. There is one neighborhood that really has great lights. They have a pond and the lights reflect on the pond.

We reflected on the last year a bit. It has been busy. I do remember though last year at this time he was just starting to use a cane after his knee injury. So I am glad his knee healed and is better! Another I am thankful for is that it has been great year for his business. It just keeps growing and I am VERY grateful for that! We got to go see my family this past summer and have a celebration that was incredible. One I know I will always remember and cherish. There are many more moments of course. But I should wrap this up...

Tomorrow is packing and just getting ready to leave on Sunday for Master's parents.

Ivan

This is a prompt from Holidailies: Your best experience getting rid of something.

When I moved from Ohio to Colorado, I had a Teddy Bear that meant a lot to me...for many reasons. One being it was the last bear my ex-husband gave me. And there is more meaning behind that but too hard to explain. The bear is deep chocolate brown with a blue knitted sweater. I named him Ivan. I thought I had a picture of him but I am not finding it at the moment.

I always sleep with a teddy bear and he is one I slept with for years. But when I moved from Ohio to be with Master, I felt he was one thing I should let go of...I had good reasons at that time but still I miss him at times. But am very thrilled that he is in a good home with someone that loves him. She is someone very special to me and I love her and miss her too. So leaving Ivan with her...she has a little piece of me that she can hug and know that I am hugging her back.

Him

From Kindlings: What is your favorite thing about the person you serve?

Oh one thing...not going to do that. I need more then one thing.

He is intelligent. I like having discussions with him. I enjoy his perspective and that he teaches me new things!


He is a very generous man. He gives so much to his friends, family and clients. Right now he is working on a project and he is giving them so much more then they paid for because if he didn't it wouldn't feel right to him. He wants them to have the BEST quality and he is giving them that. He enjoys giving gifts just as much as I do and so buys friends and family gifts because he wants too remind them how special they are to him.


He has an amazing amount of patience. His Mom got a camera last year and every time he has the opportunity he takes time to teach her new things about it. It makes her feel so good to learn those things and that he just gives her that one on one time. He also taught his parents to use a computer. They had never touched one before but at 70 years old now are able to do more things then some of the clients I design websites for. It required a lot of patience and he gave them that always.


He is my Daddy. Which to me means....that he makes me feel safe and loved. He allows me to play and have fun with dolls and toys. He takes care of me when I am sick. When I am tired, he tucks me into bed and gives me kisses.


He is sadistic! Oh yeah I had to include that right? I am kinky! He has incredible hands that hurt me in delicious ways! I am a lucky girl!

My list could go on and on. I just feel very priveledged to be owned by Him and serve Him! I love YOU, Master!

Christmas Quizzes

Your Christmas Sprit Level: 85%

Your Christmas spirit is almost as big as Christmas itself. Christmas is definitely your thing. You celebrate Christmas with enthusiasm. You love every minute of the holidays. Your Christmas spirit is inspiring to everyone who runs into you during the holidays. You make everyone's day just a little bit brighter. And that's what the holidays are all about!

Do You Have the Christmas Spirit?

Home Corners

A friend of mine started a tradition on Tuesdays called Home Corners. I have been lapse on posting them. But I do so enjoy them so with the house being all decorated for Christmas I definitely wanted to do at least one!


Okay please ignore the crooked pictures. When I was hanging the garland I bumped them and didn't straighten them before taking the picture. The Santa in a Sleigh is a Jim Shore. Master and I both saw him at the same time. It was an after Christmas sale where we had already been to the cash register 2 times before seeing it. Soooo the clerk asked us if wanted to just stick around all day. :)


There are quite a few glass cupboards in Master's house and so I put garland inside on the shelves of each so you can see it. I have some with snowmen, nutcrackers, angels and santa's.


Bears under the Christmas tree. We have kitty cats that sit under the tree too and you will see their faces peeking out from between bears. It is so cute of course hard to catch a picture of it though.

Positive Monday

I haven't done a Positive Monday in a while so....

5 good things in my life...
1. Christmas cards and gifts coming through mail and email!
2. The Christmas tree sparkling in the living room!
3. Snow...this is the first year we will really be having a white Christmas in several years.
4. Naps in the middle of the afternoon with Master
5. Tea...a cup of hot tea to warm me up!

Today was a pretty light day after last week. I just did some chores around the house. And that is about it. Tomorrow I want to get some goodie trays together for neighbors and such. I was going to do ironing today and didn't so need to get to that still. And figure out what to pack for Christmas away. That is about all that is going on with me right now.

Lower than the Cats

kaya had posted quite a while back about being told she is lower then the pet. I commented that I have been made to feel that, but shown it and she asked how. I am just getting around to answering her. I had this post mostly written, but forgot all about it. So here is now.....better late then never right.

Master has this thing that all cats like him. There is horse whisperers, dog whisperers and Master is a cat whisperer. We go to friends houses where they say "oh that cat never likes people" and sure enough in a couple hours (usually within 15 mins) that cat is in Master's lap and begging for his attention. Master has 2 cats. One of them was here when Master went through some really hard times so they have this really tight bond that where this cat often acts like a dog comes when Master calls, sits and waits for Master by the door and so on. So Master's cats are more then "pets." Some people have pets that are animals and some people have pets that are companions and family. Master and I happen to be the type that pet are part of our family. We have a friend that lives on a ranch and when she loses a cat -- she lost a mouser. She didn't lose a friend. It was just an animal on her ranch. Sure she enjoys them, but they are pets/animals. So Master's pets are family.

When I first became Master's, he would tell me that I was lower than the cats in this house. He said it often and I would kind of smile and nod. But I didn't think much more about it, but within a few months of being here I began to see the pattern of being shown that. I do believe a lot of it is mental, but he did through some actions show me that. It is really something he hasn't had to do over and over and over to make me keep believing it. But he does make me believe it through his actions and words.

I think the consistency is the thing. It is the words he uses over and over. The phrases put with the action of course help, but I think it is mostly a mental thing. It is very subtle actions put with the words. He doesn't do blatantly obvious things like...being made to piss in a litter box or consistently eat in a dog dish or anything like that.(Even though I am made to eat out of a dog dish at times.)

It is subtle...

• When I am put into the cage, the cats can get into the cage as the bars are wide enough for them to get through. But of course can walk right out again. So he often has said "see they are free to go where they want, but you are locked up."



• Sleeping in the cage - while the cats sleep all snuggled up to Master.



• They don't have collars (they are indoor cats only), but I have a collar with tag with my slave number because I am property. He re-enforces that I am property all the time with so much of our daily life so it does make me feel like I am less than the cats.



• The cats are independent (of course limited as they are indoor pets). They don't have to come when called. They can leave a room without telling him. They don't have to ask for permission to use the bathroom or eat. My life is much more controlled then the cats lives in Master's home.



• A very mental thing....Master will at times ask our cats if I can eat or go to the bathroom. You know how you speak to cats in a tone and they will meow and if you don't they won't. So of course he would use those tones to get the answer he wants. It is often a teasing thing...where it is meant to be playful, but it has been one of those things that makes me feel it none-the-less. But it has been done enough that it gives me feelings of the cats having a higher place in the hierarchy of Master's home.

The biggest one for me that is a constant....

The cats get different kind of attention than I do. I actually envy it at times. Master comes home from a hard day of meetings and doesn't want to interact with humans as he has had it with them. He will greet us all but he will sit in his chair and call the cats up to snuggle and talk with the cats, but the interaction with me is limited. Although of course I get his affection, it is different so it feels at times that the cats get more than I. Again he gives me affection it just is different so it makes me feel more like a slave then a pampered pet which his cats are very much pampered pets.

Of course Master spoils me at times too...like my birthday I was totally spoiled with whatever I wanted to do and given lots of special treats! The cats though are pampered. Spoiled and pampered are different. Both very good things and it is okay that I am spoiled, but not pampered. I know I am property. Many of these things he does give me a constant reminder that I am his property. And that is what I want to be in the big picture.

(photos of me -- the top one the bars aren't that far apart it is just the perspective of how the photo was taken. The day these pictures were taken was so incredible. It still stands out in my mind and makes me tingle when I think of it. Master and I had played hard. He was slapping my face lots - which is why it is so red. He just pulled the hood on me, stuck in me in the cage after beating and slapping me...I was stunned so I think that is why I have such an odd look on my face -- part floating and part what the fuck just happened. After taking the pictures, instead of using me...fucking me....he laid on the bed and masturbated. I watched him from the cage...it made me even more turned on. I was groaning and moaning - making very animalistic noises. I was an animal in a cage.)

Christmas at Home or Away....

Tonight I watched one of those cheesy sappy Christmas movies on ABC Family. It was called Snowglobe. I watched it while I cut and wrapped about 70 chocolate caramels.

The synopsis from online: "Everybody has their own ideas about what constitutes a "perfect" Christmas. Angela is about to get hers when she is transported into a mystical snowglobe. Will it really be better than how her holiday usually goes?"

It was very predictable but I still enjoyed it. I love Christmas too but I never had looked for the perfect Christmas. Because each one has something about it that makes it "just perfect." Of course there are things would like to do someday. Like Master would like to spend Christmas in a cabin in the mountains -- having snow falling outside while we are snuggled up in front of a fire. I think that sounds pretty good too. But how we spend Christmas most years is pretty good too. And usually that is just us and the kitty cats. Christmas Eve we have a big dinner....ham, creamed potatoes, green beans, homemade rolls and then Christmas goodies. Then we drive around looking at the lights. Christmas Day morning is opening stocking, presents and having cinnamon rolls. We then just have left overs for Christmas dinner. Usually ham sandwiches and such and watch movies. It is just quiet, peaceful and very cozy!

This year though we are going to Master's parents. We went to my parents in 2004 and then every other Christmas has been just us. But this year we are spending it with his parents. They are THRILLED. And I am glad they are but I know both of us will miss just having Christmas alone.

Favorite Christmas Recipe

I have been a baking fool the last 3 days. One thing that can be tricky is I live in a higher altitude. And because of it I get inconsistent baking results. Last year I made Chocolate chip cookies with peppermint bark and they turned out really great mounded in nice round scoops -- this year same recipe made flat cookies. They taste good but they are flat.

Chocolate Chip Peppermint Cookies last year...


This years....


But my favorite recipe holiday cookie recipe that smell good, look pretty and taste great are Cardamom Butter Cookies. I roll them out and do cut outs. This year I did Christmas trees, stars and snow flakes. But I was having a few problems with the dark chocolate drizzling right. But still had fun playing Jackson Pollack. I haven't taken a picture of this year yet. But this is a picture of last years....



For cookies
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cardamom
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, softened
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla

For espresso and chocolate icings
1 teaspoon instant-espresso powder
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons milk
1 cup confectioners sugar
3 oz fine-quality bittersweet chocolate (not unsweetened), melted

Special equipment: 2 small heavy-duty sealable plastic bags (for icing; not pleated) I just drizzle it on with a spoon

Make cookies:
Whisk together flour, baking powder, salt, cardamom, cinnamon, and allspice in a bowl.

Beat together butter and sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer at medium-high speed until pale and fluffy, about 2 minutes in a stand mixer (preferably fitted with paddle attachment) or 4 minutes with a handheld. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Reduce speed to low, then mix in flour mixture until just combined.

Form dough into 2 (12-inch) logs (1 1/2 inches in diameter), each on its own sheet of plastic wrap. Use plastic wrap and your hands to roll, press, and square off sides of logs. Chill logs on a baking sheet until slightly firm, about 1 hour, then smooth logs with plastic wrap and flat side of a ruler to achieve straight sides. Chill logs on baking sheet until firm, about 1 hour.

Put oven racks in upper and lower thirds of oven and preheat oven to 350°F.

Cut enough scant 1/4-inch-thick slices from a log with a knife to fill 2 large ungreased baking sheets, arranging slices about 1 inch apart (chill remaining dough, wrapped in plastic wrap).

Bake cookies, switching position of sheets halfway through baking, until edges are golden, 10 to 12 minutes total. Cool on sheets 3 minutes, then transfer to racks to cool completely. Make more cookies with remaining dough on cooled baking sheets.

Ice cookies:
Whisk together espresso powder, vanilla, and 1 1/2 tablespoons milk until espresso powder is dissolved, then add confectioners sugar and enough additional milk to make a thick but pourable icing. Spoon into a sealable bag and snip 1/8 inch off a bottom corner.

Spoon melted chocolate into another sealable bag and snip 1/8 inch off a bottom corner.

Pipe some espresso icing and chocolate over each cookie and let cookies stand on racks until icing sets, about 2 hours.

Cooks' notes:
• Dough logs can be chilled 5 days or frozen, wrapped in a double layer of plastic wrap, 1 month (thaw in refrigerator just until they can be sliced).
• Cookies (with or without icing) keep, layered between sheets of wax paper or parchment, in an airtight container at room temperature 1 week.

(above recipe is from Epicurious)

Now I need to go make trays up and also make a crab dip for a party we are going to tonight.

Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? both -- I use some of each

2. Tree: real or artificial? growing up it was always a real tree in the living room and then 2 artificial other places in the house. Master and I have an artificial. One though of those good memories with Jim was us going to a tree farm where we got to go pick out our tree....walking in the snow out through the farm was just really a nice quality moment for us.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually after Dec. 6th. This year the tree was up before then but not decorated until after because of being busy

4. When do you take the tree down? Around the 6th of January

5. Do you like eggnog? No

6. Favourite gift received:
Early years: a doll named Stephanie
Preteen years: I think I was about 10 when I got fashion plates and I loved it
Teen years: a pink long wool coat
Now: the little drawers Master got me stand out














7. Do you have a nativity scene set up? umm yes sort of. It has a manger, angels and sheep and that is it

8. Hardest person to buy for: Master or Master's family. Master because most of the time if he wants something he gets it. And although he has interests quite a few of them I have problems buying things for because I have no knowledge of them. Master's family is hard too just because it is hard to decide what would be a good "family" gift that we don't repeat a million times

9. Easiest person to buy for: most of my friends I find it easy to buy for...always seeing things for them.

10. Worst gift ever received: a sweatshirt with puffy plastic stuff in the shape of bears pushing shopping carts in a weird pink

11. Christmas cards: I like sending them out and I like getting them. Today we got the most beautiful Christmas card from an artist friend and it made Master and I both go damn....that is what we should be doing. Between the both of us we could come up something just as amazing. Really though her art....always leaves me speechless.

12. Favorite Christmas movie: Miracle on 34th Street

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I try to start in September or October but mostly it gets done in November and December.

14. Have you ever "recycled" a Christmas present? no but returned quite a bit

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas: everything sweet! I have a total sweet tooth...sour cream cookies, chocolate caramels, cardamom cookies, my Mom's pecan tarts....and so on and so on

16. Are the tree lights clear, colored, or both? colored but solid colored. We have all red lights on our tree. Someday when we get another house -- I hope to have more then one tree and something else - all white or the multi-colored lights.

17. Favorite seasonal song: Grown Up Christmas List

This is Kelly Clarkson but really my favorite version is by Amy Grant




Grown - Up Christmas List Lyrics

18. Do you travel or stay home for Christmas? We usually stay home. We went to my parents in 2004 and this year we are going to Master's

19. Can you name Santa's reindeer? Blitzen, Donner, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid and Rudolph (are there any I am missing?)

20. Do you have an angel or a star on top of your tree? We have a star. I have a beautiful angel that now sits on our table on a metal charger because there is now way our little tree would have been able to hold it. But more then that we really wanted to have a star. We still haven't found the perfect one. We found one we loved 2 years ago after Chrsitmas but it again was too heavy. This year I found a metal white washed star ornament but fairly large and so Master drilled some holes in it and we tied it to the top with jute. It works but I think neither of us are totally satisfied with it yet.

21. Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Christmas morning. My family growing up always did gifts on Christmas eve and stockings and gifts from other relatives Christmas day. It always made Christmas very magical for me when we did them on Christmas eve because the candles, the glow of the snow through the windows.....it just seems more cozy.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year: parties

23. Favorite seasonal tradition: putting up the tree with Master

24. Family member you try to stay away from: one of my aunt's -- we sent her a Christmas card this year and Master I think fainted when he saw I included her.

25. Do you attend any religious services in celebration? No and sometimes I miss it and other times I don't. Because I have such mixed religious beliefs but I really have always liked Christmas Eve services....again they have this magic and energy that just is amazing to me.

Neurotic

I often am very sad because I am pretty isolated here. I don't have a lot of friends. I miss my friends in Ohio so much. I took for granted all the time we had together. The friends I have here....are really Master's friends. They were his friends from before I moved here so there is this thing of them knowing him longer so they are his friends who accept me there but I never feel totally welcomed if that makes sense. I always feel a little on the outside.

Tonight I really needed to get some baking done as today kind got caught up in some other things. But we had a friend in town that actually is one of those people I feel a little more comfortable around then most of our friends. So her and Master's best friend were going to get together for drinks and we was invited. Well...I chose baking. Master told me it was up to me -- that I could come. But I chose baking.

As the night has wore on I knew that part of me chose baking because I didn't want to feel the awkwardness and out of place feelings. I didn't want to try to think of what we will talk about, what I should wear and every other little thing I get obsessive about...so I used baking as an excuse to not go. I mean really yes I have a lot to do but this -- going out like this --- is a very rare occasion. Master just isn't the type to go hang with friend very often. So to have him do this too -- is something I probably should have taken advantage of.

This weekend we will be going to two parties. One is with the usual friends that I feel out of place with. And then the other is important to go to -- for business so almost makes me more nervous as I have to be really on as I don't want to be a bad reflection of Master. So more obsessing.

I love this time of year for so many reasons but parties isn't one of them. It is the only time of year that I get this neurotic.

A Little Gratitude...

I am thankful for...

1. Mail Love! For getting Christmas cards from friends and family and also getting all our Christmas cards mailed out.
2. Cookies and Treats....I am thankful that my treats will be enjoyed by many people and that I just like baking.
3. The Christmas Tree....it is so pretty!
4. Christmas music to make me feel so happy!
5. That a lot of our shopping is done!
6. Airborne....because whenever I feel a cold coming on I feel better after a few times of taking it.
7. Chinese food...oh how I love it...Master treated me to it tonight since I would be working hard baking.
8. For a roof over our head, food on our table and just being able to enjoy life.
9. For our kitty cats looking so cute always.
10. Master....I am truly blessed to be a part of his life and get this time to celebrate the magic of Christmas with him.

there's only this

I am watching RENT right now. I forgot how much I like that movie. I don't know why I forgot about it. We have a pretty big movie collection and RENT is one that I just don't watch that often but every time I do -- I think I should watch it more often.

October 2006 Master and I had a road trip to visit family and on the way we played the Soundtrack to RENT quite a bit. We sang and sang to it. It was just a great way to spend the time singing the great music of RENT.

December 1st was World's Aids Day and it is the first year in many that I forgot. I didn't mention it or even think about. And I feel ashamed. Years ago it was something that I think was more up in the face with education and awareness. And it bothers me "that" has disappeared because I know HIV/AIDS hasn't disappeared. Stats -- 33.2 million people living with HIV/AIDS in 2007. It is hard to think about so many people suffering. But is something I don't want to ignore or pretend isn't an issue...it is still here. And I hope that one day there will be a cure.

Jonathan Larson – Seasons Of Love (Album Version)

(from Last.fm -- not sure I am posting it right so hopefully it works!)

Seasons of Love....just a few of the lyrics...

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life?

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons of Love.
Seasons of Love.

The First Ornament on the Tree....

Last Monday I got the tree up but we didn't get to decorate it really until this past Saturday. I unpacked the ornaments on Monday. Master and I were watching CSI while I unwrapped...unpacking ornaments from mounds of tissue. I wasn't really paying attention as I did...but I finally looked down...the ornament I had in my hand is very special to me. Tears welled up....the emotions spilled through me and I began to sob. I let it all out...the ornament is my dog's ornament that we got for her 1st Christmas.

She died this last spring. I hadn't seen her for years as she was with my ex-husband but she still was in my heart.

So when Master and I decorated the tree on Saturday night we were just about to get started with ornaments and he handed me the ornament and said it should be the first one on the tree this year. More tears shed of course. But she was the first on the tree.

Here is what I wrote the night I found out she died....

May 3, 2007

When I was married and my husband and I bought a cute little house in March 1994. It was 80 plus years old at that time and needed some work. But we were looking forward to making it "ours." My husband was a pet person. He grew up with dogs. And so when we got a house, I told him I thought we should get a dog. Now at that time, I was not really a pet person. I liked animals...but much like children...I didn't know how to interact with them. I am also a girly girl...licking, drool and such grossed me out. And so I wasn't over joyed with the prospect of getting a dog but loved my husband and knew his really missed having a dog so I wanted him to have one. After living in our house for just a couple months, I woke up one Saturday morning and said, "Let's go to the humane society today." Jim turned 8 years old and bounced up and down. Yes he really did....that was kind of his thing (has a tigger tattoo).

We walked through the first part of this humane society...and it was all the puppies. We didn't see anything really. Then as you moved in further it had older dogs. The part with the puppies also was a part that had like little doors so they could go in and out...so part of the kennel was outside and part inside. I was looking but really I felt it was going to be up to Jim and really we thought we would just look because it was good time to discuss what kind of dog would be good for us. But over all I knew since he was the dog person he was going to have to find a dog that he liked. There were a few older ones he really liked but they were pretty big and he wasn't sure our yard was big enough for such big dogs. So we were heading out...going past the puppy cages again...some had been out when we walked in and as we walked past...

I stopped.

There were 4 puppies in this kennel and they were playing and having so much fun. I stopped. And Jim had kept walking he noticed I wasn't with him. He then turned back and saw me bent down and eye level with the puppies.

One of the workers came over to me right away. She said, "Would you like to see one?" I said, "YES!" I told her which one and Jim at this point is looking at me puzzled but happy. The worker brought the puppy out to me....and handed it to me. I pulled the puppy close to me holding her. The little pup was shaking in my arms but she did a big lick all across my face and I started to giggle. We played with her and held her some more. He said, "I think you found our dog."

We did....she came home with us! Because we had not been prepared to bring home a dog....we really had just thought we will go look to start getting an idea of what would work for our house and such. So we didn't have a collar and leash and she was so tiny so I held her and as soon as the car started moving she peed all over me. Again I remind you I am the girly girl who doesn't really like to get dirty. But here was this little puppy that had stolen my heart and so she was my baby. Jim dropped us off at home and he ran out and got food, leash, toys and all that stuff.

I thought we were going to get a dog for my husband and we came away with a dog for both of us. She captured my heart. My husband traveled quite a bit so she became a good friend for me. She was a great dog from the moment we got her....she caught on to going to the door right away when she needed out, she loved to play ball, she liked to snuggle She was very smart and we had people tell us that all the time how smart she was....she knew words before we taught them to her. She minded really well....she just was a good dog.

When we first got her we decided we weren't having her be on the bed with us to sleep. She could get on the bed but only if invited. And it worked. She would sit on the floor next to the bed and wouldn't come up until invited. As I said Jim traveled and at night I would crawl into bed with a book and she would lay on the floor next to the bed. She always laid on Jim's side so I couldn't really see her and I wanted her close since Jim wasn't there so invited her on the bed. And didn't kick her off. So soon that became a habit of Jim was out of town and I would tell her to get up on the bed. One time Jim came back from traveling and there she was sitting next to the bed at bedtime. And Jim was like lay down. She whined and paced a little bit. And he made a comment like what has got into her. And I kind of looked up and down and all around and he called me on it. And I confessed. He called her up on the bed and soon we had a puppy that laid at the foot of the bed.

There are so many stories I could write....I just loved her so much. She helped me through some dark times by making me get out of bed and making me take care of her. And am so thankful for for finding her and my heart just being captured by her. When I left my husband, it was really hard to leave her but I knew he would take good care of her, I knew how he loved her too....so I left her. I have a picture of her that hangs above my desk as there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.

I found out tonight from my ex-mother-in-law that my dog had to be put down. She had a brain tumor and causing her to have so many seizures she became totally unresponsive. She hasn't been in my life for many years but my heart aches as though it was just yesterday when I hugged her close and I will miss her.

Planning for Christmas Baking

It is getting that time to bake so today when we went to the grocery store I picked up lots of baking supplies. I think though I am still suffering from sticker shock over the eggs. Eighteen eggs $2.93. Ouch!

I usually try something new every year sometimes those things don't get made again. Sometimes they get on the permanent list.

This is standard every year...
Sour Cream Cookies
Foolproof Fudge
Cardamom Butter Cookies - I roll out to do cutout cookies
Chocolate Caramels
Molasses Cookies
Festive Bark

Then I made these last year and they were a big hit so I am going to do those again...Chocolate Chip Peppermint Cookies - chocolate chip cookie recipe with 1 1/4 cup crushed peppermint bark.

And I have a couple new recipes I want to make and then one old one I would really like to make again as I miss them. I haven't made them in probably 10 years. One new recipe I want to make is similar to an old recipe I made the jelly thumbprints....but going to try this one. And then Peanut Butter Blossoms is one I used to make and always enjoyed.

I always enjoy baking Christmas goodies. I make up plates and containers for friends and family. I also want to make scones as gifts. So I see quite a bit of baking in the near future.

Q&A: Safewords

Do you use safewords?

Here is a definition of a safeword for those that are interested.

We don't use them. Really we believe in good old fashioned communication. A safeword to me, is not enough to keep a person out of trouble. Communication of exactly what is going on can help along with observation and just checking to see how your partner is doing.

It isn't that I am against them...we just feel good old fashioned communication works better. Before Master when I had a few play partners -- I didn't use a safeword either and opted for communication if something was not going well.

Some have said that if we don't have a safeword -- well he will be able to hack off your toes and my answer to that is even with a safeword he probably would hack off my toes if he was the sort to hack off toes. A safeword isn't going to protect me from someone that would already do something beyond what is okay.

If you have a question please feel free to email me or leave a comment.

Sick Day...

Today I woke up sick this morning. It is horrible to have company and be sick. I hate having the stomach flu....I mean who likes it but really there is just something about throwing up that makes the stomach flu worse then a cold for me.

Master's Dad helped out with some tasks around the house that we needed help with and they were so happy to help as Master helps them with all their computer things so it seemed like it made them feel useful to us as we are to them. They had to run out to get some parts and such and on one of their outings they found a very cute bear in a vest and hat that they thought I must have to make me feel better. So I got another bear to add to my collection under the Christmas tree (pictures of bear and tree will come I am sure in a few days).

I stayed in bed most of the day but finally felt at least a little human around dinner time. And dinner stayed down so that is great! I just have a headache and just have achy muscles now. So just watched a movie tonight while hanging out.

I felt horrible that I couldn't spend much time with everyone today but thankful they totally were able to keep themselves busy with the little projects.

Christmas Cards

Maintaining friendships ... and do holiday cards help?

I am not sure they help a lot but I do enjoy doing them and getting them. It lets me catch up with people that I might think of throughout the year but don't really get a chance to talk to because of time or distance. So I guess that is a form of maintenance just not something that would work long term if that is the only maintenance that is being done.

So speaking of holiday cards that is the number 1 thing on my holiday to-do list after Master's parents leave. I need to finish up labels and such for those and also help Master get his business ones ready to go out too.

We bought some very pretty cards and I can't wait to send them out. I love variety. I go through the cards and pick which one I want for each person. Maybe it fits them with the image or the words or maybe it says something I know will remind them of us. Like a secret language between friends that they can look, read or some of both and see us...us - Master and I or us as in all of us as friends or family.

Not sure I am making much sense tonight as I am just so tired. I am glad Master's parents were able to visit him on his birthday but it is very trying and tiring. We had a nice day though for Master's birthday and that is what most important to me.

Birthday Wishes....

Happy Birthday Master! I hope YOUR DAY is all you could wish for....well all you could wish for with your parents being here. I know there is more you would like...but without them here :)

I am truly happy you came into this world. You are an amazing man....I don't have words to capture all I would like to say....just know I love you very much and very proud to be YOURS.

The Joy of Today....

Well I am exhausted...so this is just going to be a quick life update post...

Master's parents were suppose to be arriving tomorrow for his birthday but decided to beat the weather and come today --- I totally understand that but it did put a lot of pressure on me as I had a pretty big list of things to do today. So now my body aches and I am exhausted because I had to bust ass to get everything done. I didn't get everything I wanted done but the house from their perspective looked good. My studio and the bedroom don't look terrific tonight though.

I need to wrap Master's birthday presents, brown up some ground turkey I had taken out for dinner but when they called we decided that it would be easier to do pizza tonight, get a load of laundry ready to go in first thing in the morning and then set out all the ingredients for Master's birthday cake so I can make that after breakfast.

One good thing about being so busy....I haven't had time to worry about my mammogram tomorrow. It is my first one. Oh joy!

I expect it will be a pretty busy few days.

But I will can't wait to wish Master a very Happy Birthday in a couple of hours....he is a great man and I am so happy to be able to help him celebrate HIS birthday!

Date Night Movie

We had a date tonight. It was a very good night. We went to see The Assassination of Jesse James. I know I won't have words that really describe it because there were just so many good things about this film. The lighting, the shooting, the sets, the wardrobe, the writing, the acting, the music...just every little thing in this movie was really excellent to me.

There is a scene in the beginning with a train robbery and the lighting and shots they did for it just stunning. The light was shining between trees and then you see the guys who are going to rob the train every once in a while. The shots of that were hazy around the edges. The shots of the riding in the snow. I could go on and on just naming shot after shot.

From the New York Observer: "The extraordinary expressive performers, male and female; the haunting interior and exterior conflicts; the painstaking authenticity of the period detail; and the subtly modulated mood shifts all combine to make a modern masterpiece of an old legend."

I think that sums it up for me. I know many probably thought it was too long and with the narration maybe like listening to a book being read but I thought it was mesmerizing. And I believe it is probably a movie that will end up in our DVD collection.

Let it Snow...

Todays writing prompt at Holidailies is: Tell us a story about snow. Well...I was born in North Dakota. When I tell people that, most say, "Oh I have been there. I went to Mount Rushmore...the Black Hills...the Badlands" and so on...never actually naming a place in North Dakota. I believe a lot of people lump North and South into one place or forget that there is even a North Dakota. But I was born in North Dakota and lived there until I was 10 years old. And I still have family that lives there.

When I tell them that the places they listed are South Dakota they usually then get the light bulb moment of 4th grade geography lessons coming back and give me a look as if they had just been smacked with a cold wind and ask me if I liked living there. And my answer to them is a resounding happy YES! As a child it was so much fun and that main reason: SNOW. There was so much to do because of the snow in winter - ice skating, snowmobile riding, cross country skiing, sledding, hockey, making snow forts, snow angels, snowballs! And drinking lots of hot chocolate to warm up after playing in the snow!

My parents were involved in lots of organizations in our small small town. And so they had lots of parties and functions to go and many involved the kids coming too. They would hold parties at the local ice skating rink in the winter. It would close down for the evening to be available only to those in organization. We would skate, have good food and hot cocoa mixed with lots of fun and friendship. A family friend of ours had a big cabin on the lake. They had an annual holiday party there. Some of the men would go out ice fishing on the frozen over lake. Their cabin had a big hill next to it that would was perfect for sledding which occupied all the children. There would be a dozen snowmobiles there, cross country skis, snowshoes and everything else would ever need for winter time fun. There was roaring fire in the cabin so you could warm up and dry off before going to the next activity. There was so much laughter and fun. I always looked forward to those parties. More winter fun was had in my neighborhood though too as our block had a lot of kids on it. We were always building snow forts and having snowball fights. I don't have memories with snow that doesn't bring me warm happy feelings.

The holidays in North Dakota always involved snow. I don't recall ever going without a White Christmas when I lived there. My Mom loves Christmas - she decorates, bakes, shares stories and it is just a very special time of love and family. And I know she got that from her Mom. When I was little, we would spend Christmas Eve at my Mom's parents. They lived on a modest but wonderful farm. We celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. My Grandparents farmhouse didn't have fireplace and I remember at a very young age worried that Santa wouldn't have a way into the house. Christmas Eve at my Grandparents involved a big homemade dinner with food from taken from our heritage, church after dinner - all dressed up in our Christmas best, then home to read the Christmas Bible story of Jesus' birth, sing some Christmas Carols, open presents and then have snacks and goodies.

My Grandparents attended a small country church that looked like something from a Christmas greeting card with the snow all around it, lights shining through the stain glass windows. Inside the church, it was also picture perfect poinsettias spread through out the church, as well as candles, and then Christmas trees decorated in angel ornaments and white lace garland. The service we would light candles and sing lots of Christmas carols. After the children were given a big bag of sugary hard candies...the old fashioned ribbon candy in bright Christmas colors. Making us all even more hyper then just being excited waiting for Santa's arrival.

My Mom's family is good size that we would take more then one car to church. And so Grandpa would often sneak out early, but as child I NEVER picked up on that. See as a little girl, I would come home to reindeer hoof prints and Santa boot prints in the yard. And more Santa snow boot prints in the house. Cookies that had been set out for Santa would be gone and carrots left for Dasher and Dancer and the rest of the reindeer were half eaten in the yard. And sure enough when I went running into the house there would be presents from Santa under the tree.

It is a wonderful Christmas memory....a favorite memory of mine. And I say mine as my sisters didn't really get to experience it like I did because my Grandfather died at a young age. So I cherish those memories as I am lucky to have known him and lucky to have such a good memory of my Santa.

It's memories like these that set the tone for all of my Christmases. Even though one might forget about those "little things" like Santa's boot prints or the half-eaten carrots in the yard - I'll never forget them. It's these important things, the fact that my Grandfather left church a little early to give his granddaughter something something special and magical.

Magic.

That's what the season is about. Taking those precious moments to express your love and friendship to someone you care about. Whether it's finding that very special gift, or making a handmade card, the phone call in the middle of the day or the email that just says simply "I love you." It's my way to share how much I love those that I'm surrounded by.

So Christmas time is that special time of year when you just remind them of how wonderful they really are and how they have a special place in my heart that makes me feel the magic of love.

(Photo of me - I think I was about 4.)