danae

I have a very long entry started but…I have to get this out…crying and sad…feels like if I had imood still that sad or hurt would have been the only emotions expressed on it this week.

The day started out pretty good. I then took a nap per His order and had lots of nightmares and slept very lightly. I woke up not being in a great mood from the nightmares. He then signed on and I was happy to spend time with Him, as we have not had much time to talk this week. But then he was tired so he went to take a nap. He of course got up when I went to dinner with Bill and Lisa…and so I came home to Him saying He was going to bed.

Vent going to happen…

I have been very insecure all week. My Master told me - to me - that He did not believe me. So I was very insecure that He was going to tell me He did not want me. That He was going to continue to not believe me and say He can’t be with me. And of course I was going through not only that insecurity but also the hurt from Him not trusting me during my pleading that I was being truthful.

I have not exploded during any of this to Him. I have not written or said anything to be hurtful. I have been patient with all that is going with His work. I have been patient that we will get to talk eventually. And so tonight I expressed that I was giving more effort to us talking then He was…I have reasons I am saying that and I understand his work was it this week. I understand that.

And it exploded into Him upset with me for “throwing that into His face” - He got angry and was saying things that were not fair, as I could not say anything in return because as a slave it would have been out of line and at that time I could not find ways to say it calmly. I tried to…but he interrupted me and so finally I said this is not going to get us any where and we should end the conversation. I sat there in silence on the phone for a few moments and then…I heard click. He hung up.

Why is life like this?