Courage

I have been thinking for a while now about how many people seem to lack courage. Courage to live life. Courage to face things that are hard. Courage to fight for something that is good and right. Courage to be a good person. Courage to look at the choices in life and follow the path with heart.

I do not understand why people would want to live their life without courage. I know when I was dealing with my rapes that it was hard to get up in the morning and face each day. It took so much to keep going. Something that helped me through it was this quote - “Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.”

I felt so many times so down on myself. When I was told that quote, I got mad because Don - did not have respect for himself, others, and never took responsibility for his actions. I would scream why does he get to do this to me. The answer was I let him. Yes, he broke me down when I was with him, but how I recovered and healed from it - was all my control. He was not around no matter how much it felt like he was around. So, I yanked back that control and started respecting myself, others, and took responsibility for my actions.

I was in such a blur of pain with what was going on in my life at that time that I did not even realize how much I was not respecting those around me. I was not respecting them in so many little ways, which made it a BIG thing. That really hurt after when I realized it. It was almost like a person who is in AA has to make amends or apologize to those in their life that they wronged. That is how I felt and what I did. I apologized to them all. Everyone of course was understanding as they knew what I was going through - a nightmare - and they were just happy that I was finally able to stay in reality and start to heal.

It took courage to do all the work that I did to gain my self-respect back, to start giving respect to others in my life and also to take responsibility for my actions. That one was the hardest for me and still is the hardest for me.

I did not see my courage then . . . Now I do. And I see in my life now when I do things that are courageous - usually not until after the fact though lol

Courage and respect - for me - go hand in hand. You have to have courage to respect yourself - to do hard things to make your life a better a life. You need to respect yourself and have the courage to work towards a good life with a journey that is the most fulfilling. Respect of others takes courage also because if you give your respect to others you risk - maybe they will not respect you back, maybe you will be rejected, or maybe they will not accepted who you are as a person. Respect grows from that respect love, caring and understanding grow. So that makes you vulnerable to that person. Responsibility for my actions takes courage. Taking responsibility for my actions is probably the hardest lesson learned. I have a big ego and feel I am always right so seeing when I am wrong and admitting it is a huge deal.

I was looking back at my life last night thinking of the people I have forgiven and given 2nd and 3rd chances too. And all the people who have been disrespectful to me and lacked courage. But I still am respectful to them. I tend to give respect to others before they have earned it and I give it long after they have hurt and betrayed me because for me I just have problems “giving” up on people. Probably because I would never want anyone to give up on me. So, I tend to give love and respect unconditionally. But that it is not always good for me. And I need to find a way to hold people at arms length more. Not totally though because I would not be true to myself if I did that. I am meant to give love - unconditionally. So, I am still going to love unconditionally. It is just that respect and love needs to not be given as freely as it is to people.

Feel there is more to be said about the lack of courage people seem to have and how loving unconditionally is hurting me. But I need to get to work.

peace,
danae