you need a purpose always to occupy yourself

I was writing about other things tonight so thought I would try to finish up some of these thoughts and post them....and try to forget about the other post I have put up today lol

Work has been pretty good this week. Tomorrow night I am going to a party I have to dress up and decided to go with a black skirt and a black sheer top that is a zebra print. The sleeves are sheer and then the front has a black camisole under it. it has ruffles down the front and then the sleeves are 3/4 length with little ruffles. I have my period so my normal dress code for underneath the clothing has to be changed. I usually would go pantiless and wear a garterbelt and stockings and bra. But now it will be matching bra and panties...and thigh highs probably. I hate pantyhose but with my period I feel even fatter then usual so might opt for pantyhose for the control top. :)

Weight has been a big issue rolling around in my head. Mostly because of my impending visit with Nick. I am worried he will think I am "too" fat. He and I have discussed this. And he has seen PLENTY of pictures of me so he know what I look like. So not sure why I keep worrying about it so much.

Tonight I was one for a little bit and signed on to yahoo thinking Sir Nick would be there...but he was not :( But Ray was...we had an interesting convo....

I was telling him about something that I have told no one. He said some insightful things......about it and me. He said, "now that you're going to see him you need to push the envelope as much as you can" And I wonder if that is a fair assessment....on that. The other things he said were I would say accurate.....unfortunately. Ray said, "You need to be owned to quiet your head."....he went on to say, "you need a purpose always to occupy yourself with a constant state of being owned." And the last thing I wanted to post that he said, "your submission comes out strongest to men that aren't available... like you can only feel it strong when you know that it can never be... like this is coming from that part of you that doesn't want to be a slave, or is afraid of it... holding back from who you think you are."

interesting comments....

I right now feel very tired and like my mind is spinning out of control and that I just need to hang on until I get to Nick's but on the other hand last week I was feeling very upset because I felt he was not giving me the things I deserved and it was a different feeling then this week. It was a feeling of...uggghhh can't find the word....but this week I feel like I am lost, alone, sad...it might just be totally because I have my period who knows.

Mistress DM and I chatted a little tonight after I posted my last blogger entry on Kam. She had some interesting comments that I hope to address tomorrow. Because I should be in bed right now.

I know why I am not but I will not admit it out loud....

Just was sitting here for a moment staring at the screen.....

I miss Nick....

peace,
danae