emotions override my logic

Well, I have not written in a few days. I have been busy with work. I threw out some questions on a couple lists I am on about being enslaved. And had some interesting responses. I have things going on in my head that I just can't get out but maybe it is PMS lol I heard from Sir Nick yesterday...he is sick. And working working as usual. I miss him lots.

I am wondering why....some things affect us more then others. I mean people and things said. When one person says something it makes me laugh but if someone else said it I could get pissed just depending on person. Well, answer....my emotions override my logic lol

I do not like that one person could say do something and I react without thinking.....when I feel I am Nick's. So then that flusters me and makes me wonder if I was truly owned would I still feel that way? I guess to me I feel it has nothing to do with that it has all to do with who I am naturally....a submissive. Not that I submit to all Dominants but there are some that make me react instead of think. It is like they talk to the muscles not the brain or emotions really....perfect example is Mistress DM. So if Mistress DM told me to do something should I feel guilty that I did it without thinking as I view myself as Nick's?

So many things...come up and I give a pat submissive answer to....

example....a Dominant messages me and says "fucking slut show me yourself on your cam." First I do not have a cam but my usual answer is....I would need to ask my Master or I am only show myself to my Master. Here is my problem....Nick is not my Master but it gets really complicated to explain it but on the other hand I do not wish to have anyone else be my Master and he is the one I want and hope to be my Master in the future. I ask him permission for all major things in my life. I ask him what he wants and I try to do things to please him. I give thought to him in all I do even knowing he is not here to see or watch over. So is it wrong to say he is my Master?

Fear that just came through me....fear of all these months putting him so much in front of my life - putting him all over my life...and then I get there and he will not like me at all and then I will have to write about all that and then I will have to deal with that whole and then I will...have to start over or give up....

ending this for now as I have work calling me back to it again.....

peace,
danae

ps: no time to spell check or review.