Dinner

Music: Michelle Branch

Today....Wednesday....

I was busy with work for a while. Then I went out to dinner with a Domme friend that I met through Moni and Michael. We had dinner and talked and it is always nice to create friends in this lifestyle that have similar views. It was nice to hear her views and thoughts and relationships. She is good Domme. I like how she thinks.

We talked about Golden Showers tonight and I recalled my first one. It was amazing. A great moment with Kam. Golden Showers when I first became his were a soft limit. And drinking urine was hard limit. But Kam liked Golden Showers. So, he pushed the soft limit. I remember kneeling in the bathtub and I was nervous and scared. I did not know what to expect and so it started. I felt the warmth of the urine hit me and I felt these deep feelings within me soar up and I instinctively opened my mouth. I felt this deep submissive feeling of in that moment you know that if he told me to jump off the cliff I would without question. I felt the warmth hit my body....my breasts and stomach and cunt and legs and I wanted to have my Master's taste in my mouth. So I opened my mouth. And he looked at me like are you sure you are ready for this and I nodded. And he did give me a taste. And I swallowed. It was sent me spinning and flying out in subspace.

Golden showers after that were not as intense but made me soar and also have never had the degradation feeling I thought I might feel with them.

I always have these feelings come up from deep within me that make me feel nervous at times but then calmer as I kneel there and feel that warmth hit my body.

Nice reliving those moments.

I was trying to think about what my deepest darkest thought is tonight and it is there but I can't seem to get at it. It is like my mind is even to scared to think about it.

I got to be Sherlock Holmes girl tonight. Someone told me about something going on and within 5 mins of them telling me I figured out the puzzle. I love it when it happens that way.

The other day I was online talking to a Dom that I had a lot of interest in right actually when I met Todd and so when I met Todd, I told this other Dominant about him and he said that we should still be friends. Well, I talk to him about once every 2 weeks. And he brings out the little girl in me very instinctively. I mean she see his name pop up on the screen and instantly little girl wants to come out and snuggle with Daddy. It is strange to have those feelings about someone else. Anyway 2 things with this...he told me his name the other day as I had never had it...strange as that might sound. And the name hit me it was weird. I started crying as soon as he told me. I then went on to explain to him one of my favorite movies which he had never seen.....Meet Joe Black. It is weird how much his name affected me. I am thinking of the Daddy/little girl thing because Ray asked me about it the other day. I think he was trying to understand it. The little girl inside me is about 4 years old but there is a Princess also she is I would say about 7 years old. She wants it her way right now. The little girl who is 4 years old in me....wants to snuggle with Daddy and have his protections and guidance and is actually very submissive to Daddy wanting to please him and make him happy. She wants Daddy's approval and acceptance.

Sir Nick is out of town. He said he would call me tomorrow night. That means a lot to me. I was talking to the Domme friend tonight about trust. That I feel at times Sir Nick has done things to go out of his way to show me I can trust him. Someone else told me that Nick is bending to me and I told them no...he is trying to nurture belief in him to chase away my insecurities...so that I can rely on my instinct of trusting him. I was thinking today about he says what he means and means what he says and always has...that if I have doubts they are because of my fears and looking for ghosts that are really not there...looking for red flags so I look and look until I have put myself into a worry about something and then write him of my concerns. He always handles it very calmly.

Stupid thing is now I am worrying that all these things that I have tried to do to sabotage this....will push him away. But then I think back and see that he just addresses and it is almost like "See you did not drive me away and are not going too." Like he is trying to prove to that self I have buried inside that is scared that I can be okay in this relationship....I can trust him.

Well, I have 2 other things I need to do and it is already 1am. My stomach started acting up tonight so I had to stop them earlier to just kind of veg.

peace,
danae