March Questions: Advice - Stress

"How can I be a better slave to my master? we're about to go through a LOT of stress, more than I think we can handle unless I'm doing better with everything. I try to behave, but I's such strong headed and argue too much, and he's scared of hurting me too much. I'm working on that, but I need some help. Plz help?"

First I really am unsure of how to give advice for situations I know nothing about or even know the people. If it was a good friend that asked me this question, I am sure I would know more of the situation to help her out. I think the best advice comes from those close to you - not from a website or stranger. We are all so different what works for me won't necessarily work for someone I am friends with or someone I don't know. It is why I usually stress here on my blog and on our website that these are our personal views that work for us.

But I also know that when we are struggling reaching out to someone who we don't know might be easier. And someone's words might help you gain a different perspective because they aren't attached to the situation.

So on to your question, I am not sure I fully understand the situation or what you are asking so I am going to just do the best with it and hope it lands on some of what you are asking about. But you want to email me with more information, if I am totally missing the mark.

It sounds like two situations going on - with stress being over all of it. So you are strong headed and arguing. And then your Master is scared of hurting you.

During times of stress - I make lists to keep organized, plan things ahead (meals, chores and so on) and try to have things to help him relax available to him so that I stay on task. I also make sure I have things for myself to relax - make sure I have a good book to read at night, maybe take a bath or hot shower, even plan 15 minutes to just do something I like - a craft, meditate, read a magazine, listen to music or whatever.

When we are stressed, it is easy to snip at each other. But when I realize I am the best thing for me is apologize and move on. And Master does the same thing. We remind ourselves we are stressed and tired and that we can't take it out on each other. During times I am feeling like I am going to argue or stubborn, I remind myself I am a slave. And that leaves me with duty to just do whatever I need to to serve him. And then later I try to figure out why I was arguing or being stubborn - what about it annoyed me. Because usually when I can strip things down without the emotions attached - I can see there was nothing wrong with what he was telling me. I might not always agree with him but I can rationally see that his ideas or things he wants me to do aren't anything that will harm me and finally and most importantly for me I can see it is what he wants so what else do I need from it? Because for me it is about serving his wants, needs and desires.

So to handle arguing and being strong headed, I would slow things down and see why you are feeling that way. What set it off? Write about it, talk about it with your Master and just do your best to break it down to find a solution. Next my question that I ask myself is do I really want to be a slave? Because if I do - my job is to obey and serve - period. If Master were my boss and I argued and was strong headed - butting against him a lot, then I would be fired. I know we have an intimate relationship and not a boss/employee but when I can take that intimacy out and just think of it in logical terms it helps me - obey and serve.

Now on to your Master not wanting to hurt you. I am going to take a leap that you mean - he is scared to hurt you when you argue with him or are strong headed? When I was first with Master and he had to discipline me, he would give me a strong slap across the face or tug my hair and tell me to stop and that startled me enough to slow me down and to get out of my head. So my question is....will a slap on the face or tug on my hair and very strongly staying stop going to hurt you? I mean I am not saying he should/would slap you or do what we did as I don't know you. I am just saying what could he do to really hurt you? It would have to be very aggressive behavior to actually hurt you. Also maybe doing something physical isn't his thing. Master really isn't comfortable disciplining me when we are upset with each other. So a look or the word stop or quiet is enough for me to know he is upset with me and slow me down.

So during this stressful time, I suggest making sure you write things out so you get feelings out so they don't build up. Communicate and try to have things and time set aside for relaxing.

Again if I am not helping your specific problem, feel free to write me and I will do my best to give you my perspective.


And everyone please feel free to ask me a question or many!