smeared mascara on my pillow

First Battlestar Galactica! OMG! Amazing! I loved it! Sad to see it go but wow did they wrap it up well (at least in my humble opinion.)

Okay so on to the point of the post...

Today Master was horny and I wasn't. I have been having insomnia so was up late and then we had been pretty busy through the day so just was tired and when I am over tired I feel down and get weepy. So we went to the bedroom and as I said I wasn't horny so nothing felt good. Often things hurt but my masochism usually comes out gets off the pain and suffering. But today wasn't that day. Today it just added to my feeling down and made me cry. And sometimes Master doesn't like to see me that way - but today Master liked that I cried and was feeling used. He liked that I didn't like what he was doing. It turned him on. He had me use the hitachi on myself and normally that thing gets me off in no time but my mind was pretty much in melt down mode so I couldn't orgasm. And again Master liked it - liked that I couldn't orgasm, liked that I was crying about it and just getting more upset. And he told me as such while I was crying and getting upset - told me that he was getting turned on by my crying and liked just using me.

After I couldn't orgasm, I took him in hand was stroking him - truthfully just wanting to get it done. As I stroked him, he told me he liked that I failed in getting myself off. And that he had visions of telling me if I failed he would stick me in the closet - where he knew I would break down more and cry. And that thought really turned him on so much that he had an orgasm. I on the other hand was upset by that thought. I felt small and like I could use a good hard cry and curl up in a little ball. So that said I was getting wet.

I was snuggled next to him after he orgasmed and asked to masturbate. And of course what did I masturbate to - his fantasy. The one he described while he orgasmed. And I orgasmed hard. Twisted mind. I hate that it is like that. I hate that he says something and it makes me want to go hide, it upsets me and makes me cry but then the next moment I am fantasizing about it. And again at the same time - I love that it is that way. I love that it twists and turns like that - that I hate it and that it gets me off both at the same time.