Thursday, March 19, 2009

March Questions: Sex Take 2

Okay well I am doing a take 2 on the last questions...reason being my friend who asked me the questions had some interesting insights on her own definitions of bad sex, good sex, kinky sex or boring sex. And it of course made me look at the question again and my own thoughts on it.

So...take 2....

Bad sex: As I said in the last entry - the immediate thought that came to mind for bad sex was when I wasn't in the mood but that got quickly squelched as I could see many times in my past when Master has just used me when not in the mood or not feeling well and after it was very erotic to me. So I don't see it as bad sex. My friend mentioned that bad sex for her was when she emotionally checked out or felt empty after having it. And I did have that thought cross my mind with the not in the mood as I thought of specific times in my life when I have checked out. But oddly enough I can look back at some times I checked out and I am turned on by the thought of it now. So...does that qualify as bad sex? Because I know if it were to repeat - I am sure I would have almost the same reaction - checking out and feeling empty after. Scrubbing skin so that it was raw just so I would feel something. And although I don't want to repeat some of those type of moments - again some of them do fall into my - I am turned on by them now category so I have trouble putting it exclusively in the bad sex column. So I think I skipped over those moments when naming bad sex. Included in the checking out type of sex - my rapes - I didn't include them in the bad sex. They were horrible and again at the same time. I am turned on by them now. So bad sex is probably my hardest to define but I am going to stick with my first post - bad sex squicks me - through such as the sucking on my toes or the client that smelled. Those things squicked me. It wasn't good sex because of it. I wanted it over quickly. I didn't check out but it didn't make me feel good after. I just was in the shower quickly after.

Good sex: As I said in my last post good sex for me is kinky sex. And it is my preference for sex to be kinky. But of course sex doesn't need to have kink in it to be good for me. It can come from an intimacy of people in a close relationship, it can be soft and tender, it can come from deep passionate kisses and touches that feel like they are consuming me. Good sex can also come from a complete stranger. As I mentioned clients of mine in bad sex - the majority of my clients, I had good sex with and for the most part there was no kink involved. It was just sex - good sex. There was not feelings of closeness - it was just the sex that felt good and was satisfying. I know that lots of my feelings of being an escort came from a pleasing someone point of view so I am sure some of my feeling of satisfaction comes from that. So I suppose good sex is just sex that is satisfying in one form or another.

Kinky sex: Kinky sex for me involves SM and/or the power dynamic. It can be mental, emotional and physical. It can involved pain, humiliation, objectification, sensory deprivation. It can leave me fighting, crying, wanting to get away and feeling used and abused. It can leave me feeling floating away into the pain with a smile on my face as he continues to torture me. It can leave me feeling deeply submissive - which is actually when I feel the most submissive - during sex. So maybe this is where some things that I am not sure where they fall - fall into the kinky sex. As they were kinky on some level.

But moving on...I am most fulfilled by kinky sex.

(Skipped boring sex because it really stays the same as I had it before)

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