Random This and That

Music: Mix - Vanessa Carlton ~ Thousand Miles, Sixpence ~ We have Forgotten, Jewel ~ Standing Still, Tal Bachman ~ If you sleep.., Michelle Branch ~ Everywhere, The Calling ~ Where ever you will go, Innocence Mission ~ Bright as Yellow, Van Morrisson ~ Someone Like You, Tori Amos ~ Wild Horse, The Martini's ~ Free, Jewel ~ Break Me, Sixpence ~ Breathe


Monday morning at 4am....there was a knock at our door. I was startled by it but then thought I was dreaming it. I stumble out of bed and grab clothes to put on just in case there is someone at the door even though I am not sure who would be knocking at our door at 4am....in a secure building. So, I go to the door and peek out none on is there. While I peek out the phone rings, Kam picked it up. It was maintenance wanting in.....their was water in the apartment next door coming from between our apartment in theirs.....they could not find anything in our apartment. Soooooo since I was up at 4am...and could not get back to sleep. I went on a cleaning frenzy lol The house is still not to where I want it but things that had been driving me nuts - most of that got done yesterday.


I worked on an old old website I forgot I had....it is a rape survivor site that I created back in 1997 took down for a while and then put back up in 1999.

I am not sure what else to write.....there is some stuff swirling around in my head. Mostly to do with Nick right now.

I feel when I express interest in others....Nick gets possessive. It is a good way to me though....not anything overly possessive in a bad way. But in a way that says, "hey just a reminder you belong to me." At least that is how it feels. We did not get a chance to talk much last week and then Saturday we talked online, Sunday he called, and then he told me to call him yesterday so I did. Also, our conversations most of the time are very relaxed and bantering back and forth. Lately, it will get to a point and he stops it. He reminds me who I am talking too and then I stop. Last night when we got to that point, his voice.....was...I can't describe it. But it was one of those tones that made me....look down and feel like I had done something wrong and technically I had...I pushed it too far. It is just that the line keeps moving up it seems lately and that is kind of hard. I am reacting to it. Not where I want to try to push on it and push it back yet. But I am I think having problems learning where the line is right now. Also, my attitude sucks right now.

It is so on and off. On Friday night, I was very hmm susceptible to any Dominance and not even that...I just was more demure and submissive. Same on Sunday for a while but then by the time Nick called I did not want to give it.

But I have also thought it might be just a reaction with him right now because of some things swirling around in my head. And I do not like that to happen.

He then "told" me to go to bed after our phone call last night....something else he has been doing more lately.....telling me to do certain things. I am just really confused why it is all happening now.

So just a few things swirling around in my in head.

Tomorrow night is an outing with the girls. And Thursday I have 2 things scheduled. I need to do SMART things and then finish cleaning so that it is perfect for when Kam has someone staying this weekend.

I guess I will sign off and go clean...wooo hooo I know totally exciting.