Calendar

Music: U2 - Achtung Baby

I have not been writing like I should be or usually do. I have lots going on in my life and some new things happening. But nothing I feel I can write about. And not sure if that is going to change. I talked to Nick on the phone for almost 2 hours last night. We needed it. I still did not get through all the things I wanted to talk about so today - he got a 5-page email. I am sure he was thrilled to death…*said with heavy sarcasm* I am getting to that point right now that I just want things private. Mostly because I am just in that mood right now. I go through it every once in a while. I remember when I had special intimate and also sexual things go on with Todd. I did not want to “share” it. I wanted to keep is close to me and special just something between him and myself. And right now that is kind of how I feel. Not that my life has lots of special things in it - but it does have some possibilities that feel good right now and I am happy about that.

I was really feeling very emotional on Sunday. But then I got my period on Monday, so that pretty much explained that. By Tuesday my emotions calmed down. I had dinner with a friend and then came home and did some rearranging of furniture. And just did a little relaxing.

Wednesday - I need to do laundry badly and then in the evening I have plans. It is one of the possibilities in my life - well 2 if I get technical. Thursday - I was suppose to have plans with someone but I don’t think that is going through right now. Friday - I have some work to do. And then meet a friend for lunch. Saturday is Carpe Diem and I will be there for sure as I am helping out.

So as usual my social calendar is full : )

Today I was looking for a story I wrote that was I think like 13 pages long. It was to Nick. But I could not find it and realized it must have been pre-new computer. I was really bummed I could not find it. It was long it meant a lot me writing it. Nick gave me that story as an assignment and it even had a time deadline on it. So, it was important to me. I know silly huh?

I think everyday about certain people. People I care about, people that I can think of possibilities of relationship with, people in my past, people I love. And I just wish I were with one those people full time you know? After conversations I had on Sunday I guess part of me wants that even more.

I crave humiliation right now. Even though my threshold emotionally is much lower then normal because of my period...so not sure why I would want humiliation. I also crave kissing, snuggling and just being with someone. Libra - wanting both sides of the scale.

I should call one of my friends that I have not seen in a while. Maybe I can go see her on Thursday. She and I always laugh so much that we end up in tears.

It is 2:33am here so I better get to bed. I have to be up doing laundry and finish one of several things tomorrow before I got out for the evening. One thing I need to finish is an article for the SMART newsletter.

Our strength is often composed of the weakness that we're damned if we are going to show. - Mignon McLaughlin