A Ramble

Music: No Music just hearing the guys painting the outside of our apartment building...they are on my porch right now

When I am craving Dominance…. I, at times, am easily influenced by the Dominance….the Dominant. And that bothers me. Not that every Dominant can influenced me but there are some that can….

Changing subject….

Last night I went out with a bunch of nice women from a group. We had a very nice time and the place we went was very relaxing and pretty.

Horoscope for today not sure how to take...

LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Your planet Venus is spending its last day in quiet and sensitive Cancer before entering showy Leo tomorrow. You can feel like something has reached the end of its road and it is now ready to change. Remember, you Librans seek harmony, but you may not find it today as you are pulled between an old safe situation and a new exciting one

I did like that Leo enters tomorrow and that is when Todd and I broke up and that reminded me he was a Leo. Only reason I remember that is the day is because I was reading old journal entries recently. I was trying to find specific journal entries about someone that I never mention by a name here. Anyway, I came upon the ones that talked about Todd and my last night together - where we were together and he…not sure the words for it…I will never ever forget that night. Hard to...since I still have a knot in my breast from where he bit me and slight discoloring also on my breast from it. It was a good thing to me…what we did…how everything ended up after that immediately and the following days….was not great though. I had subdrop that was so bad. I have never experienced anything like it.

I usually don’t remember bad days….bad anniversaries…like the day Morgan died I can’t tell you but her Birthday is Feb. 14th. I remember the day Todd and I met but like I said I would not have remembered the day we broke up unless I had been reading through old journal entries. I remember some old anniversaries but mostly because New Year’s Eve is a hard date to forget.

I am having nightmares and actually had a flashback yesterday….of stuff from my childhood. I am praying that it is not going to start plaguing me like Don did.

I have pulled so far from Nick it feels….maybe it is just my perception. It is a horse….lol Kam and I were watching this TV show on TLC a while back and it was about kids. And kids at a certain age range begin to learn that others see things differently. Like they gave 2 kids boxes and one said it was a car and the other said it was a horse. And they accepted that was the case with each kid, but if the same thing happened at a younger age the kids would probably fight over who was right. The age range that this happens….coincides with when the abuse started happening with me. Kam said the show explained lots of how I view the world. Because LOTS of the time I view things as a horse and I don’t see how others could see it any other way. It also is a Libra thing…the scales of justice….so I am always right lol I really don’t think I am always right…it is the perception I give people though.

I need to post this and sign off…

I found this yesterday….and liked it a lot….

Nobody is bored when he is trying to make something that is beautiful or to discover something that is true. - William Inge