Rebirth

From contact comes feeling. From feeling comes reaction. This is what keeps us in the cycle of birth and death. Our reactions to our feelings are our passport to rebirth. -Ayya Khema, "Being Nobody, Going Nowhere"

Rebirth....

Last night....was an interesting night......very quiet and relaxing with Sir Laz and Aydeen. And then a kind of emotional filled roller coaster when I signed online. I talked to Monseigneur E, Linda, Michael and Nick last night. And each conversation was interesting and emotional. I am having problems writing here as I said yesterday.

But I am going to try to...

Monseigneur E has taken control of me....and will have it until I visit him. And with the control...all sorts of behaviors having been changing. The number one things I need to get used to again....is putting someone else first...Him first. It was my mantra all night...everytime I woke up I kept saying it over and over again so that I hope to get it ingrained in me. I hope it is a quick lesson. It will not be pleasant for me if I do not learn that fast.

Another intersting thing I had happen last night that while he was lecturing me of the failings I had yesterday....I had images of Todd. One specific one involving a hairbrush. Putting Todd first was not something I was taught to do....and that is the difference....it just dawned on me. Todd did not teach me to overcome that....actually in a way did not want me to. And it seems Monseigneur E is teaching me a lesson.

Which brings me back to the word I typed above...Rebirth...

I am learning....all sorts of things...again. And I am also uncovering parts me and that feels like a rebirth...like I said a few days ago. Its like I moved into a new house and am getting to know where everything is....and yesterday I was bumping into things even though the lights were on. I just needed to look before I took a step. And I didn't...my fault.

Thus...he has won again.