Thursday, July 11, 2002

Needed to Hear

Music: a mix of jazz

I am feeling very down today. Like everything that is going on is hitting me. Or might be because I did not sleep hardly at all last night. I just could nto get comfortable.

Last night I went to a girls get together. It was nice but I felt very out of it and on the edge of it almost. There was an I Ching reader there…and I asked 3 questions. The first questions answer surprised me a bit. But also said things that were good. The second question was positive. And then 3rd question actually probably surprised me the most. And that was a question about Nick. And it was really really positive and more then I expected.

You know how you know things…but just need to hear it from someone else. That is how I kind of feel the I Ching and also Tarot readings are for me. That I know the answer but to hear it from someone else…validates it basically.

I have been having lots of thoughts and feelings on my more extreme bdsm beliefs. My thoughts and feelings for wanting to be nothing is really upfront. And part of me knows that it is because one I want to escape into it. And another is because I have been having dreams of doing things with one person and also Monseigneur E doing some things to me also. So, when I am having dreams everything is up front and hard to get out of my mind.

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