Tennessee

Music: When the Stars go Blue ~ U2 and the Corrs (just loving this song right now...playing it over and over again)

I am up but not awake! I just took a shower to get ready to leave for Tennessee. I think I have everything…but who knows LOL Yesterday was Fem Sub - I went to that, as I was the facilitator for this meeting. But really it ended up being a *VERY* small group…so we just chatted. Which was fine with us. And then after that I went to a play party. : ) And got to play...something I was not expecting at all. I played with Michael…Moni’s Michael. I am pmsing and had lots of emotional stress this week so Michael started and then hit me with this very intense toy. I just could not push into my painslut or even masochistic space. I flexed my hands and Michael noticed and came up and touched me…I took a few breathes and then told him…that I was having troubles getting to my space and why. He then tried a different approach. Which worked.

An approach I did not expect.

I might write more about it tomorrow…or maybe not. : )

Moni afterwards said that I was near tears and that she wanted me to cry. I was like “thanks,” but after I got in my car and was driving home…I knew what she meant. Tears would have been good for me.

On my way home…Nick called but I had stopped to get a diet coke and missed him. And then as I was pulling off the exit to my home…Michael called. I did not expect him to call again…from how things went the other night. I am keeping everyone at arms length because it is just too hard right now to let emotions go anywhere…else. I am sure he felt I was distant. I was happy to hear from him but right now…I am just in such a weird place.

I was just noticed that someone was reading the June archives…June of last year. So, I went to read and see what they were reading. Strange how it was the week that Todd and I broke up. Or maybe it is not strange.

I was just reading something I wrote about Illusions and now wondering who was the illusion Todd or Di…both. Oh well…life has certainly gone on…and for the better. My life has been really good this past year. …LOL I am being serious! Overall, my life has had bumps but learned a lot…have had some really good times…and am going forward…

I am…laughing often, living passionately, loving deeply…well loving…and am loved.