Again

Yesterday was a busy day for Aydeen....it was nice though to just to hang out and be around her. We had a good talk when we came home. I found out where things are with her and I needed to hear them. And it feels much more relaxed to be around her now....not that it was tense but I guess I just know where I stand with her. Now if it could only be that easy with Sir Laz. It bothers me he has not say...."this is what I would like....will you....??" But I also have not asked. *shrugs*

I talked to Nick last night....it was a GREAT talk....one I needed so much. I did not have my walls up with him either because....I was in such a confused state with what was going on with Sir Laz and Aydeen and then just these other feelings I am having that seems to feel like something else is about to hit....maybe just relaxing more and so it feels unknown to me.  My talk with Nick was great. He is awesome. It started right away with what was happening here and he enjoyed me having to share those details as I was getting all blushy and squirmy....not enjoying having to talk about it at all...because it was not what I expected so I was embarassed. And he was not upset at all. His big thing as I have said many times before is...he wants me safe...mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I just was not expecting anything that has happened here to happen....and sexually I am fine with things as long as I know the boundaries and know it is just fun and sex. But D/s I am not comfortable with and not sure why exactly but Monseigneur E as well as Nick are coming to mind as I type that. BDSM things could happen....but D/s....I am not wanting to give up control at all.

I keep going through the thought of wondering if I can give up control. I do in limited way....and that is fine but can I give up control like is done in the Market Place series. I am reading book 1 right now. I going through that am I submissive stage again.

I have skipped around...and all over....and now...need to get going. We are spending the whole day here tomorrow. So, I will write more tomorrow.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. - Woody Allen