Big Lock

I am all packed and ready to go. Aydeen and I are going to lunch and then to the airport. I am not feeling well and I am sure it is stress. I am having my period again and that has not happened in a while...where I had 2 in one month. But I am assuming it is stress right now. I am in a lot of pain and not liking it at all. I feel groggy too like I get when I have my period. I am not a happy camper!

I told Monseigneur E and Linda something very few people know about me. Mistress DM had asked me yesterday morning if I told him about this thing yet and I said no. And so it got me thinking about it and....when I got the nerve to tell him....he was not online but Linda was....so I asked her to go get him so that I did not wait and lose my nerve. Strange thing was....not sure when and if I would have got around to telling anyone else about it. As it is something I have buried away and put a big lock on it. I pretend it is not there.

Both Monseigneur E and Linda seemed to handle what I told them very well. He even had me laughing and relaxed by the end of the conversation. He seemed to think it was not a big deal and I still have moments of being neurotic and thinking that....*it* will be the reason he wants to end this direction.

Linda and I had a talk last night as it seems she was feeling like I have been feeling.....like....we had kind of lost touch. I told her we need to just have her and I time. So, that we can maintain our friendship and keep going forward. We chatted for a while and it was good just to talk to her. :) I missed her.

I am on edge so much and have all sorts of things flying through my head. I go one day with things feeling completely right and then the next day I try to convince myself why I should not go to see Monseigneur E and Linda. It is very annoying lol Right now.....I feel so much inside. I feel like I need to cry and scream. I feel out of control right now and wish so much things were calm and over with. That I was to that next place that ALL the Runes I pick keep talking about.

I am not liking this feeling at all and hope it goes away before I am up.....in the air...