Devotion

late night....early morning ramblings

Music: Melissa Etheridge ~ Skin

Well, I should be in bed.

There is lots going on in my head. Mostly work related. Probably going to be making some big changes soon. And it will be stressful but in the long run it will help ease the stress I am going through right now.

Sir Rob said good bye and good luck to me on Monday. And so I said the same. I talked to SM online today....he has been online more lately and that has been nice. Yesterday I talked with Honey. I had not talked to her since September. And I should not have let it slip that long without contact. It was GREAT to chat with her. I miss her lots. I have been thinking about Jackie lots this week. Last year her, Di and Kam threw me a Birthday party. It actually seems like it was more then a year ago.

I have been thinking about devotion a lot lately. I am very devoted. This morning, I was chatting with a gentlemen that has told me he will own me (which I have heard many times before and never ends up that way), anyway, I tried explaining to him that even though I am not physically with Sir Nick yet and have not met him...that I felt something I guess like a personal "code of honor," where I am devoted to Sir Nick. That I want to spend time getting to know him and seeing how we fit together. And then meet and see how it works in real life. So even though this other gentlemen is local and even though I have men asking me on dates and what not...I say no because really Sir Nick is the only one I want.

I was comparing Todd and Nick in the shower the other morning. I wish I could record the things I think about in the shower *grin*

Anyway I was doing a comparison ....something I hate that I do, but I do. I take past experiences and put them into today and compare. So that I do not get hurt again mostly.

Devotion is given when you have trust and you cannot build trust without being open and honest.

Todd does not know how to be honest with himself. And he was not honest with me ever. But I gave him trust. And I gave him devotion. I wanted to believe so much that he was the "right" guy for me. Everyone saw that....but him.....how much trust and devotion I gave him. He would tell me that I did not trust him. Projection of feelings...he always did that. He would say these off the wall things that were nothing like me....and say it was me. But when I would look at it..it was his feeling/actions and he was projecting them on me because he felt "bad" for them.

Nick is honest with himself :) And with me :) And I have given him trust. Not as quickly as I gave it to Todd probably because of Todd that I have not. But the trust level is growing deeper each time we talk. He is open and honest with me, so he gets my devotion. Not something he asks for, it is just given to him freely. I am doing it the right way this time. Giving to him because he deserves it. And has given me so much by being honest and open with me.

peace,
danae