To please and serve.....To be submissive....

Music: Garbage ~ Beautiful

I have been feeling very submissive for weeks now actually. It is not that I do not feel submissive always. It is that I am more focused with that submission at times then other times.

To me a submissive is suppose to please and serve. There are other things I want in my D/s relationship. But I do seek to please and serve. When I disappoint or displease Sir Nick I get this feeling inside that is just not fun. I have had that feeling with others...such as Mistress DM.

One of my big struggles is that I have put myself last for such a long time....I gave to my family, to my husband (now ex), to his family, to work, to friend and never said what do "I" want...what is best for danae. I changed that...well first I just started living life and then I started being selfish. I have written about that a few times. Well, I am changing again......

And trying hard not to be so selfish. I am trying to focus on giving to others but now doing because "I" want to. Yes, at times Sir Nick compels me to want to or a few others have too. But I want to please and serve and that need to serve and please someone is very focused in me right now.

I think of ways to please and serve Sir Nick from here and it is so hard. I think of pleasing and serving him there.

Not to long ago I was having a conversation with Sir Nick and I used a curse word. And I could tell he was not pleased that I used it. He never said do not use it but my desire to please him made me realize I do not want to use those types of words again because I want to please him. And it felt SOO good to "want" to do that. Not to be told. Not to have it demanded (not that sometimes being demanded to do things is not nice too lol) But to want to give this to him.

It was a little act of submission to me. To show him that I want to please and serve him to the best of my ability.

I slip and I fail. But I am trying.

To me I do not see this as a "bad" thing, wanting to please and serve. Is that not what a submissive is suppose to want to do? Is it not the desire to please and serve the number one underlying reason for being submissive?

I am submissive. And I enjoy pleasing and serving again!

peace,
danae