Feel Submissive

Well, today has been busy. I am tired but it is a good tired. It has been heaven being able to sleep in a little in the morning. Though this morning I was not able to as work started early today.

Work -
Today was good. We had a very good day. And I had fun. It will be a late night though. I have lots of website work to do and kind of intimidated by it. So I have been procrastinating.

Personal -
I have chatted with Sir Nick online for 3 days in a row! Last night I got to talk to Di who I had not talked to in a while since she has been busy with work also. I have missed her LOTS and LOTS!

I have not been craving the attention, like I had been. I, of course, always want to talk to Sir Nick, but I am not substituting others in his place. I miss him but it is becoming easier to just be patient and wait. I want the intimacy and closeness, but it will happen when it happens. Some days I am frustrated we have not met yet and other days I know it will happen when it can. And right now with his schedule is probably not a great time for us to explore each other.

I also feel closer to Kam again lately. He has been very good to me. And not sure how I feel about that. I mean it is not like I am seeking him out for attention. We just have hung out more...no now that I think about we have not. We are hanging out the same amount it is just different. He reacts to me differently then he used to. It has been nice and strange all at once.

Kam is a great man. He and I are just not very good together at times. Or maybe I am just not slave material. *shrugs*

With Nick it is strange......I am submissive towards him but I do not feel submissive. Okay how do I explain this, when I was with "Sir," I had submissive feelings surface when he did certain things and I reacted with those floating/happy/goosebump feelings. But with Sir Nick...I just am...am me. Ugggh how to explain this...I am not feeling the floaty goose bump feelings - well I do but not when submitting...because I am submitting always without thought or just in certain times. Maybe Mistress DM will understand what I mean and explain it in words that I can understand lol

It is just not a feeling now and then it is constant reaction without thinking and just there. And not reaction because he really did a certain something to "make" me feel that way. Am I making any sense? LOL

I am going through some insecure moments right now. I also realized I am self-sabotaging myself in a way. I need to write Nick about first though before it pops up on the web. Anyway, having insecure moments, have asked Nick a few times if he really wants me, wants to see me and wants the things he describes and desires. He never seems annoyed when I go through these phases. Todd would get annoyed. Kam even did at times. I apologize for being insecure and he always jokes and makes me smile and says he will beat it out of me. :) He gets me to smile and not take myself so seriously. He understands I am emotional and intense. But part of me believes what he is really saying is one day you will not ask because you will feel safe enough not to have to ask. Maybe I am just reading more into it though.

Well, it is only 11:16pm and I am exhausted tonight. So, I actually think I am going to go pop a video in and go to bed....

Good night....

peace,
danae