Phone Rings...

Music: on Random...Swordfish Soundtrack, Garbage, Coldplay, Nelly Furtado...weird mixture

Started at 10:52am Thursday

Poly....I am poly. I am bisexual. I do love more then one person. I often love more then one person at a time. It is something I can't stop. But I do not want to make it an active role in my life right now. I want to be in a relationship where I am a primary. I was Kam's primary, but I guess I never felt "first" - If something happened with someone else or even in his life it did not matter what was going on with me....those were first. And part of me wanted that way. I never wanted anyone to feel I was "better" then them....since Kam was in love with me and not usually the others.

When I was with Sir Laz and aydeen....if he felt she was having a hard time with something...things stopped then and there. My needs wants desires came second to hers. Which in the type of relationship they have and because they were just first starting to explore poly...I believe that was good. But see that is what I want. I want someone to stop and say you are the most important person in my life and how you feel and what you want and need counts.

I have given that to all the people I have been involved with and very few I have felt ever given me back what I put in.

Writing 2:47pm Thursday

I just got off the phone with Sir Nick. *big smile* I reached my limit again. I had not talked to him on the phone since September 17th. I wrote him a weird email last night probably what made him go okay....I think I better call lol It was nice to hear his voice. He sounded tired but okay. There are lots of things I want to ask him about when I talk with him but know it is just better not to go there right now. We chatted about a few things and I got a true to form lecture on the things I needed to from him. :)

Stopped for a moment to write up and assignment I had due to him. And actually the reasons I had not completed it were not good reasons. I have another assignment out there too and that one kind of makes me nervous and it is something I have meant to ask if I can wait on until with him but I never remember to bring up or when I do think of it...it just does not seem like the thing to talk about in that moment.

Anyway, I enjoyed hearing his voice. I needed to hear it. It was so strange I went to the kitchen to get a diet coke and heard the phone ring. I had the handset in my bedroom. And I, a lot of the time, do not answer my phone during the day at home. My home phone that is...and so when it rang I stood there for the first ring and then the next thing I thought was go get the phone go get the phone....so I went off to my room by the time I got there of course the person had hung up. So the little voice inside said *69....I did and the recording starts off with the area code and I just sink. And then I hear my cell phone ring. So I dash to get that and it is him :)

It was great....I just cannot even explain it. I called him "Normal" on the phone today he was like not sure if I should be flattered or offended. I said you read my journal....and then he was like oh yeah I am flattered lol

He then of course made me blush like about 10 shades red a few times lol

It was GREAT to hear his voice. I appreciated him calling so much. I know he is busy, but it made me very special. And I needed that today.

peace,
danae

ps: i have had other things happen today i want to write about but they will have to wait until late tonight.